Counterfeit Monkey — 102 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 3 - The Hostel

The Hostel is east of Heritage Corner. It is indoors. "I take it this is where you stayed from the time you got to town until our operation. I would have expected that someone with your credentials would have been able to afford something better: The Fleur d'Or, maybe? But maybe you thought this was lower-profile. At least it's clean and doesn't smell funny."

Instead of going out in the Hostel, try going west.

Rule for listing exits when in the Hostel:

if looking, say "There's a [h-staircase] that leads up to the dormitory rooms.";

otherwise say "[You] could either climb the [h-staircase] up to the dormitory rooms or go back to the park, [west]."

The h-staircase is an up-staircase. The h-staircase is in the Hostel. The printed name is "spiral staircase". Understand "spiral" or "staircase" as the h-staircase. It fronts up. The description is "To save space, it winds around a pole twice before reaching the floor above. This is not kind to people with luggage, but people with luggage are supposed to stay in real hotels."

Instead of facing up in the hostel:

say "The ceiling is a little cracked but in no way fascinating."

The attendant's desk is a desk in the Hostel. The description is "Formica with a fake wood grain."

The attendant is a woman in the Hostel. The printed name is "desk attendant". Understand "desk attendant" as the attendant. "[The attendant] [if the current mood of the attendant is distrustful]watches us suspiciously[otherwise]is sort of eying us[end if]." The description of the attendant is "She's dressed in a kind of casual-hippy way: nose ring, poofy [blouse] that doesn't fit quite right."

The introduction of the attendant is "She doesn't recogn[ize] you [--] us [--] but that's a good thing, I think."

Definition: a thing is attendant-related:

if it is the attendant, yes;

if it is enclosed by the attendant, yes;


Instead of looking at an attendant-related thing through an authentication scope:

if the noun is the louse:

do nothing instead;

say "[The second noun] pings happily as [you] sight [the noun] with the crosshairs. [one of]'Do you mind?' [if the noun is the attendant]she[otherwise]the attendant[end if] asks. 'That's kind of rude.'[or]She sighs pointedly.[or]She mutters about people who can't take hints.[or]She ignores us stoically.[stopping]".

Guidebook is a book in the Hostel. The printed name is "Guidebook to Anglophone Atlantis". Understand "guidebook to atlantis" or "guide" or "book" or "guidebook to anglophone atlantis" as the guidebook. "Discarded in one corner is [a guidebook]." The description is "A much-thumbed and several years out-of-date guidebook to this immediate area. The cover is tomato-red but the pages are crinkly and beige: it appears that someone has spilled coffee on it.

There's too much here to take in in a quick read, but we could look up specific topics if we wanted to read more." The contents of the guidebook is the Table of Local Attractions.

After reading a command:

while the player's command includes "the":

cut the matched text.

Table of Local Attractions

"toilets" or "toilet" or "restroom" or "convenience" or "public convenience""The island is not overprovided with public toilets, but there is a building near the bus station."
"typoland fun fair" or "fun fair" or "typoland" or "fun""Two full pages are devoted to Typoland Fun Fair, describing such delights as the exclamation point mascot character and the competitive kerning events."
"anglophone" or "atlantis" or "atlantean""The entire book concerns the island, so we'll have to be more specific about places and institutions."
"atlantida""Atlantida is listed here as the 'guiding spirit' of the island and its people. Representations of this abstraction can be found in posters and advertisements, and in the form of a great statue in the roundabout off Deep Street."
"aquarium" or "bookstore" or "aquarium bookstore""The entry describes the Aquarium Bookstore as a source of used and off-beat new books, especially those pertaining to 'alternate visions of Atlantis'. The phrase 'treasure trove' also appears, though in a context that makes clear this is code for 'fire hazard'."
"bureau/rotunda" or "bureau of orthography" or "orthography""The entry is long and greasily flattering: resplendent blue dome, magnificent interior, warm and hospitable employees, world-renowned historical research department, etc., etc., etc."
"Serial Comma Day" or "holiday""Commemorating the 1935 standard[ization] of a whole range of punctuation conventions, Serial Comma Day is one of three major patriotic holidays on Anglophone Atlantis. (See also SHAPLY DAY, SECESSION DAY.)"
"Shaply Day""Named in hon[our] of pioneering suffragette Phyllida Shaply, Shaply Day commemorates the 1877 decision to allow all citizens of Anglophone Atlantis to vote in referenda (the direct-democracy form for deciding contentious issues). This right was extended regardless of race, gender, or creed and is a source of considerable pride to Atlanteans."
"Secession Day" or "secession""The secession of Atlantis from British governance in 1823 culminated in the reduction of the attacking British fleet on April 19. The holiday celebrates this occasion, which is considered the beginning of Atlantean self-rule."
"cannon" or "depluralizing" or "depluralizing cannon" or "hexagonal" or "turret" or "depluralising" or "depluralising cannon""The Guidebook explains that Atlantis['] harb[our]s were traditionally defended by the deplural[izing] cannon, using techniques discovered by Clarence Arbot in 1779. Turrets along the old city walls provided elevated positions for these cannons, allowing them considerable range. See also SECESSION, CLARENCE ARBOT."
"sigil street" or "sigil""The entry on Sigil Street proclaims it an excellent place for those seeking to commission their own fonts or indulge in other typographical expenses."
"ampersand bend" or "ampersand/bend""Ampersand Bend is notable to the guidebook chiefly for the presence of a fine museum. A little less fine now that we've been past, perhaps."
"long street" or "long""Long Street is recorded as a go-to spot for high-end shopping and restaurant experiences."
"customs house" or "customs/house""The book offers advice that verges on churlish about how important it is not to commit any type of customs violation."
"clarence" or "arbot" or "clarence Arbot""A little copperplate engraving of a man with heavy-lidded eyes accompanies the sidebar biography of Clarence Arbot: b. 1732, proud parent of some 19 children; tireless researcher who in later years rarely left his laboratory 'except to go to bed'; in 1779, the inventor of generic deplural[ization], allowing multiples of almost anything to be reduced to just one. What his wives thought of his research is not recorded. See also DEPLURAL[IZING] CANNON."
"james/elias/milford/higgate" or "milford higgate" or "james elias" or "q-insertion""Milford Higgate and James Elias are commonly credited with the discovery of Q-insertion: the letter Q was the first that anyone was able to add to a word. Other forms of letter insertion had to be discovered separately. The Guidebook parrots the standard laudatory text concerning their discovery."
"anne" or "landis" or "rosehip""Anne Landis Rosehip is a local artist in glass and etched metal working out of a studio on the south side of Old City. She's some sort of distant cousin to my father."
"Babel" or "cafe" or "café" or "babel cafe/café""A popular multiethnic eatery in the university district, best known for having been the meeting place of Milford Higgate and James Elias."
"DCL" or "dental" or "consonants" or "limited" or "dental consonants limited" or "dental consonants""Dental Consonants Limited is the largest and most successful linguistic engineering firm on the island, directly employing 15,000 people [--] 8% of the citizens of Anglophone Atlantis or 18% of the workforce. Thanks to its overwhelming significance to the local economy, DCL enjoys significant privileges in terms of support for its espionage policies. DCL builds a wide variety of machines for linguistic efficacy, but its most public[ize]d efforts are in the area of letter-insertion. The company was originally formed to work on T, D, and N-insertion."
"airport/airplane/airline/plane""There are no airports on the island that support commercial flights, though there is a landing strip for corporate jets coming in to the DCL campus."
"language/text/linguistics" or "linguistic efficacy""The Guidebook points out rather primly that only English is spoken on the island, due to the island's early discovery of linguistic efficacy. Except in special contexts such as sanctioned language classes, attempts to make oneself understood in other tongues will lead to shunning and possibly even jail time."
"history/past""The Guidebook gives a thumbnail description, and an extremely biased one, of how linguistic efficacy was discovered and put to use on the island, and its subsequent rise as an independent power when many other states were being absorbed into the empires of England, Spain, France, the Netherlands, etc. This is a bit rich considering that before achieving this independence Atlantis was in fact successively a Spanish, Dutch, and English territory; but local publishers tend to gloss that point a bit. See also MUSEUM."
"lodging/lodgings""The guidebook describes two options in the center of town: the hostel, suitable for people on a budget, and the much more expensive Fleur D'Or hotel."
"fleur d'or" or "fleur" or "hotel/hotels" or "fleur d'or hotel""The Fleur D'Or is listed as the town's only four-star hotel. (There are no five-star hotels on this island. It is not that kind of place.) As the Fleur d'Or principally attracts those interested in business or research to do with linguistic efficacy, it also maintains a bar with the only publicly-licensed homonym paddle. Visitors to the Fleur d'Or Drinks Club can enjoy linguistically-generated gimlets, rusty nails, and more."
"museum/exhibit/museums/exhibits""A museum of linguistic instruments open to the public is to be found on the grounds of the Fleur d'Or hotel."
"fountain" or "town square/park" or "park""The fountain is listed as one of the attractions of the old town park: the design and execution of the sculpture credited to one M. Antoinne, and was apparently his final work before he faced a firing squad for his use of an irregular surname. (This was during one of the more blood-soaked episodes of standard[ization], evidently.)"
"cinema/theater/theatre/movie/movies" or "movie theater/theatre""The Guidebook lists the cinema at the north end of the town park as the best place to see films 'correctly and legally dubbed'."
"hostel" or "backpacker""Mysteriously, the entry for the hostel itself, which ought to contain ratings of its cleanliness, safety, and reliability, has been obliterated with a black marker."
"[transit]" or "station" or "bus station""The book is forthright about the absence of public transportation, and recommends that visitors bent on vehicular travel should bring their own cars, since none are available locally for rent. A bus station with long-distance service cross-island to the town of Maiana can be found near Monument Green, though routes are not always served on holidays."
"fair/fairground/fairs/fairgrounds" or "market" or "farmer's market""The guidebook is lyrical about the phenomenal produce to be enjoyed at the farmer's market held in Hesychius Street every Saturday and Wednesday and also on special days of observation."
"fish market""The fish market, the guidebook explains, may be found at the northeastern part of town near the docks, and holds most of its sales in the early morning."
"dock/docks/boat/boats/ferry/ferries""The guidebook gives us to understand that the docks, found northeast of the central town, are a pleasant place to commission short voyages of exploration and to see the island from a distance. It does, however, warn against spending too much time in the adjacent taverns, which have an unsavory reputation."
"tavern/taverns" or "counterfeit" or "monkey" or "counterfeit monkey""The Counterfeit Monkey is a tavern of unsavory reputation near to the docks, said to be the locale of more fistfights and disturbances of the peace than the rest of the city put together. The tavern is named in hon[our] of a famous linguistic con job and was a regular site for contraband creation and smuggling. In 1929, the Bureau first developed tools and procedures for identifying linguistic fakes, the Monkey was the target of a law enforcement raid; but a lively and committed criminal community soon put the Monkey in business again with new strategies."
"all-purpose" or "all purpose""The All-Purpose, the guidebook explains, is a general civil servant attached to the Bureau of Orthography, with wide-ranging powers to repair, correct, and heal using a variety of linguistic tools."
"university/college/education""The guidebook praises the many excellent departments and exceptional research work performed at the university. This is all true, naturally."
"new church/cathedral" or "church/cathedral""The guidebook devotes two and a half pages to the splendors of the New Church, located on the western edge of the town square. It particularly admires the clean lines of the architecture, the solidly constructed pews, and the austere decoration; in fact, the more you read, the more the guide seems to be rhapsod[izing] about what the builders left [i]out[/i], instead of what they put in. The guide also recommends a visit to the church gift shop, which apparently supports assorted worthy causes, such as, for instance, buying a new roof for the structure and paying a custodial staff."
"food/eating/dining/restaurant/restaurants/eateries/cafe/cafes/café/bistro/cafés/eatery/lunch/dinner/breakfast""The guidebook lists several places to eat around town: the outdoor café near the docks; a Food Corner sometimes found in the town square; the restaurant attached to the Fleur D'Or hotel."
"lucius" or "quagmire" or "lucius quagmire" or "disturbance of meaning""A brief and plainly expurgated entry indicates that Lucius Quagmire was a film-maker in the early part of the 20th century who founded the Disturbance of Meaning group with the intention to undermine the Anglophone hegemony. He was convicted of treason."

Every turn when the attendant carries a louse:

say "The attendant screams, and performs some kind of strange dance, first brushing at her skin and then stomping at something on the ground. (So much for the louse, I think.)

She then tears out of the room, leaving the room unattended. Unfortunately, places like this don't keep anything of value out front anyway, so your natural gift for larceny hasn't much scope here.";

move the louse to the repository;

remove the attendant from play;

if the attendant is the current interlocutor:

reset the interlocutor.

The attendant wears a nose-ring and a blouse. The description of the blouse is "White cotton with little ribbons on it. I hate that kind of frilly nonsense." The description of the nose-ring is "It's silver and reasonably discreet." Understand "nose" or "nose ring" as the nose-ring. Understand "ring" as the nose-ring when the ring is not visible.

The Dormitory Room is above the Hostel. It is indoors. Understand "dorm" as the Dormitory Room. "Painted off-white, with [hard wood floors] under many layers of protective gloss coating: there are no surfaces in this room that would take a stain. Four [random dorm bed]s are lined up against the wall."

A dorm bed is usually scenery.

Four dorm beds are in the dormitory room. Understand "beds" as a dorm bed. The description of a dorm bed is "At this time of day, since everyone is checked out, the beds are all stripped down to bare mattress. Linens may be rented at the front desk [--] but [you][']re not staying here tonight, so there's no need to experience the thinning sheets and the pilled [if the player wears the Britishizing goggles]woollen[otherwise]woolen[end if] blankets. Your memory is enough for both of us."

A backpacking girl is an alert tourist woman in the dormitory room. She exhibits caution.

"[one of]A girl of about 19 [set prior to backpacking girl][if the girl is in the location]is standing in the middle of the room, looking around as though she can't quite believe where she landed or what she's doing here[otherwise]seems to be inclined to hang out here for the duration[end if][or][The backpacking girl] is still hanging out here[stopping]."

The description is "She is just the sort of tourist who most annoys the locals, but actually I find her type a little endearing: she may not be very sophisticated yet, but she [i]wants[/i] to expand her horizons, and that's more than you can say for most of the friends she probably left back at home.".

The backpacking girl wears a pink t-shirt. The description of the pink t-shirt is "It is somewhat too tight and bears the word JUICY in rhinestones across the bust." Understand "shirt" as the pink t-shirt.

She carries a heavy pack. The heavy pack is a closed openable container. The description of the heavy pack is "The flag of Canada is [canada-girl][if the player knows fake-canada]mendaciously [end if]sewn on the back." Understand "full" or "massive" or "massively" or "backpack" or "her backpack" or "her pack" or "flag" or "of Canada" as the heavy pack.

The flexible appearance of the heavy pack is "A massively full pack leans against one of the beds."

Understand "tourist" as the backpacking girl.

Check waving the letter-remover at pink t-shirt when the current setting of the letter-remover is "r":

say "That would be intriguingly disgusting, if it weren't for the fact that T-SHIT doesn't describe anything anyone with a functional colon has ever heard of." instead.

Test girl-description with "look" in the Dormitory Room.

Instead of opening the heavy pack in the presence of the backpacking girl:

say "Overtly searching her possessions while she is here seems like a ticket to trouble."

The heavy pack contains an assortment of very short shorts, a broomstick skirt, flip-flops, bikini bottoms, various t-shirts, an anorak, a fat guidebook to Europe, a cheap camera, and a box of tampons.

Instead of taking the heavy pack:

say "The girl may be a bit foolish, but she doesn't deserve to be robbed of all her worldly goods on the first day of her trip."

The description of the bikini bottoms is "The tops are not in evidence, at least as far as casual inspection reveals."

The description of the various t-shirts is "There's not a one without a logo of some kind."

Check waving the letter-remover at various t-shirts when the current setting of the letter-remover is "r":

say "That would be intriguingly disgusting, if it weren't for the fact that T-SHIT doesn't describe anything anyone with a functional colon has ever heard of." instead.

The description of the very short shorts is "It's a good thing the weather here is really as warm as popularly imagined."

The description of the anorak is "It might be meant to counter the effect of all the shorts."

The description of the broomstick skirt is "It is the sort of skirt made of thin fabric that twists up into a tight tube, and is supposed to be interestingly crinkly when worn."

The description of the flip-flops is "The sole of each flip-flop is decorated with the image of Snoopy."

The description of the box of tampons is "Let's not. This is awkward enough already."

The description of the fat guidebook to Europe is "The spine is cracked at many points and the pages folded over for future reference."

The description of the cheap camera is "It is a flimsy device in rose-pink, with a very small lens."

Instead of taking something which is in the heavy pack:

say "None of these are any use just now."

Chiding-attendant is a scene. Chiding-attendant begins when the dormitory room is visited. Chiding-attendant ends in results when the location of the player is the dormitory room and the location of the backpacking girl is the dormitory room and the backpacking girl recollects have-you-checked and the current quip is not have-you-checked and the current quip is not agree about the attendant and the backpacking girl is finished talking and the attendant is in the Hostel.

Chiding-attendant ends fruitlessly when the location of the backpacking girl is not the dormitory room.

[We want to be set up by the girl's prior complaint, but we don't want the attendant to seem to come in response to said complaint.]

When chiding-attendant ends in results:

say "There's a heavy tread on the stairs, and the desk attendant puts her head in. 'Just so you two know, you're not actually supposed to be hanging out a lot up here during the day. It's for night use really. I'm not going to do anything today, but it's kind of against the rules, for future reference.'

She turns around and goes back down. The backpacking girl sticks her tongue out at the departing back.".

[Something I wanted to do was try to break down the sense that NPCs are attached to single locations and never move around or interact with one another. On the other hand, scenes where NPCs move freely or converse in groups are harder to engineer, so I wanted to be sparing with those. So there are assorted intermediate effects where we get a little 'fake' interaction, a one-turn-only moment where one NPC addresses another or a character moves around.]

Report scoffing when chiding-attendant ended in results and the time since chiding-attendant ended is less than 2 minutes and the current interlocutor is the backpacking girl:

say "We snort, and the girl grins at us. 'I know, she is unreal!'" instead.

Report laughing when chiding-attendant ended in results and the time since chiding-attendant ended is less than 2 minutes and the current interlocutor is the backpacking girl:

say "We laugh, and the girl joins in. 'I know, she is unreal!'" instead.

Report frowning when chiding-attendant ended in results and the time since chiding-attendant ended is less than 2 minutes and the current interlocutor is the backpacking girl:

say "We frown.

'Oh, whatever,' says the girl. 'She deserves it.'" instead.

An accessibility rule when the touch-goal is the lock:

if the backpacking girl is not visible:

make no decision;


say "[The backpacking girl] is watching our every move with unconcealed curiosity, which makes me a little hesitant to do anything with the locker[one of][or]. Maybe if we freaked her out somehow she would go away[or]. I think our best bet is to show her something that really weirds her out[stopping]." instead.

After writing a paragraph about a dorm bed:

now every dorm bed in the location is mentioned.

Some hard wood floors are scenery in the Dormitory room. Understand "floor" or "hardwood" or "protective" or "gloss" or "coating" as the hard wood floors. The description is "The floors are designed to be scrubbed clean every single day, leaving no trace of what might have come or gone."

Instead of putting something on the hard wood floors, try dropping the noun.

The locker is a fixed in place closed openable container in the Dormitory Room. The lock is part of the locker. The initial appearance of the locker is "The [locker] you identify as your own sits near one of the beds[if the locker is open], door standing open[otherwise if the lock is part of the locker], still locked with its dial [lock][otherwise], closed but not locked[end if]. ".

A ranking rule for the locker:

increase description-rank of the locker by 100.

The description of the locker is "A standard metal [locker] for travelers to leave their valuable possessions in when they go out [--] or while they sleep, since one's bunkmates are not always to be trusted. It is of the kind that requires the traveler to bring his own lock[if the lock is part of the locker], and in fact someone (such as yourself) has put a lock on this one[otherwise], but it is currently bare[end if]."

After opening the locker:

record "opening the locker" as achieved;

complete "Retrieve your remaining possessions from locker at hostel";

say "Now that the lock has been removed, the locker swings easily open[if something is in the locker], revealing [a list of things in the locker][end if]." instead.

The lock can be lockable. The lock can be locked. The lock can be openable. The lock can be open. The lock is openable, lockable and locked. Understand "dial" as the lock.

Instead of turning the lock:

say "The dial turns smoothly [--] much too smoothly. There are no clicks, no tiny ticks of inward mechanisms working. By the feel of it, there might be no real locking device here at all."

Understand the command "spin" as "turn".

The description of the lock is "[one of]It's curious, now you look at it: it's a combination lock with a dial face, but no one has bothered putting any numerals onto the dial.[or]Still no numbers on the dial. My mother had a wristwatch like that once. Always a nuisance.[or]I once again contemplate the absence of traditional combination markings on the lock. It must not be meant to be unlocked in the usual way.[or]It's your lock: you brought it with you and put it on the locker. So you must have had some way of opening it again, and not something that would depend on having a clear memory after the operation, either. I don't suppose you remember at all?[stopping]".

To say key-refusal for (locked-thing - the lock):

say "[lock description][paragraph break]".

Instead of setting the lock to something:

say "No numbers are written on the dial of the lock."

Locking something with something is key-related behavior. Unlocking something with something is key-related behavior. Unlocking keylessly something is key-related behavior. Locking keylessly something is key-related behavior. Opening something is key-related behavior. Closing something is key-related behavior.

Instead of key-related behavior when the current action involves the locker and the lock is part of the locker:

if the noun is the locker, change the noun to the lock;

if the second noun is the locker, change the second noun to the lock;

try the current action.

Instead of attacking the locker with something:

say "It is built to withstand attack, as witness the several dents in the frame that nonetheless failed to pop the door out."

Instead of attacking or pulling or pushing the lock:

say "It swings jauntily in place, but does not break."

The locker contains a roll of bills and a letter. The printed name of the roll of bills is "roll". The description of the roll of bills is "[one of]Now that is more like it: you've got us a tidy little stash of euros here.[or]Some day you will have to tell me a little bit about the tricks of the trade [--] how you fenced stuff, you know? Or perhaps you won't tell me. Maybe it would be better not. At any rate, this money is useful, so I won't ask too many questions.[or]It's our cash reserve [--] well, your cash reserve, really, but for now it is serving both of us.[stopping]". Understand "euros" or "euro" or "cash" or "bill" or "money" as the bills.

The bills are essential.

[Andra's backstory was based in the idea that she was an extraordinarily good speller, and I imagined a whole history for her, in which she had been a homeschooled spelling champion who ran away from home when she was disappointed by her parents' reaction to her coming in second place nationally. Slango had seen her on television and so when he recognized her on a street, he picked her up and inducted her into his smuggling gang.

There wasn't room to tell that whole story in Counterfeit Monkey, and eventually I spun that story off as Bee, a Varytale novella which takes place in more or less the real world.

Nonetheless, Andra retains some pointers to that history.]

The description of the letter is "It's a letter from your brother, printed off anonymously from an untraceable email account that you accessed in town. Nothing that could be followed back to Slango and the yacht.


I'm keeping your wire transfer funds. I want to try for Stanford.

I'd say thank you except that, one, you didn't get it legally (I saw this documentary about teen prostitutes [--] if that's where it came from then EW) and, two, honestly? You owe for what you put us through after you ran away. Mom and Dad were humiliated that you turned into the prodigal daughter. Your face got on milk cartons. Pastor Hughes GAVE A SERMON ABOUT IT.

Mom spent all that time coaching you through spelling practice, you know she doesn't enjoy getting up at 4 AM, right? You totally threw that in their faces.

If you want to come home sometime, fine, but don't come to just see me. If you want to see me you have to see Mom and Dad too.


Some secret-plans are in the locker. They are privately-named.

The printed name is "plans".

Understand "plan" or "plans" as the secret-plans.

The description of the secret-plans is "The plans are rolled up and stuck shut with a label that reads 'PROPERTY OF DENTAL CONSONANTS LIMITED [--] UNAUTHOR[IZE]D USE ILLEGAL'. They're just a set of prints from the main computer design, of course, but still extremely informative: to the right engineer, they might reveal the secret of T-insertion for replication by other companies. These are what you and Brock were originally contracted to lift from the island, at a fee in the multiple millions.". The secret-plans are essential, illegal, floppy, and long. Understand "tube" as the secret-plans when the tube is not visible. Understand "label" as the secret-plans.

Understand "count [bills]" as a mistake ("[You] thumb quickly through the bills [--] smaller currency on the outside, larger denominations on the inside. I wouldn't have thought I could add that quickly and accurately, but you, evidently, have more practice. It works out to just over fifteen thousand euros.").