Counterfeit Monkey — 139 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 6 - Waterstone's Office

North of the Language Studies Department Office is office-door-1. office-door-1 is a privately-named open lockable scenery door. The printed name of office-door-1 is "Waterstone's office door". Understand "office" or "door" as office-door-1. Understand "Waterstone's" or "north door" as the office-door-1 when the location is the Language Studies Department Office.

The description of office-door-1 is "Unlike most office doors, it has a [special glass window] in it allowing Waterstone to survey everything that goes on outside even when he is locked in."

Instead of knocking on special glass window:

try knocking on office-door-1.

Does the player mean searching office-door-1:

it is very likely.

Instead of searching office-door-1:

try searching special glass window.

Instead of listening to office-door-1:

if office-door-1 is closed:

say "It might look a bit odd for us to press our ear up against the window in the door. Conspicuous, even.";

otherwise:

say "The door is open.".

A thing is usually innocent-sounding. The member, the ass, and the cock are naughty-sounding.

Definition: a thing is Waterstone-inspiring:

if it is naughty-sounding:

no;

if it is proffered by a naughty-sounding thing:

yes;

no.

Instead of knocking on office-door-1 when the location of Professor Waterstone is Waterstone's Office and office-door-1 is closed and the location is Language Studies Department Office:

let the selected object be nothing;

if held-over-object is something and held-over-object is not the player:

let selected object be held-over-object;

now held-over-object is the player;

else if the player carries a Waterstone-inspiring thing (called target):

let selected object be target;

else if the player carries the passage:

let selected object be passage;

else if the player carries the cock-ring:

let selected object be the cock-ring;

else if the player carries a naughty-sounding thing (called rude-target):

let selected object be the rude-target;

else if the player carries the clock:

let selected object be the clock;

else:

repeat with item running through things enclosed by the location:

if item is waterstone-inspiring:

say "Waterstone looks up and gives a little frown. It's clear he doesn't know why we've knocked; perhaps he can't see [the item] from that angle. Maybe if [you] were holding [it-them]." instead;

follow the water-reaction rules for the selected object.

The water-reaction rules are an object-based rulebook.

A Water-reaction rule for a Waterstone-inspiring thing (called the target):

say "Waterstone looks at [the target], briefly arrested by some thought. He gets a monocle like mine out of his drawer. He looks through it at [the target], notes [the list of things which proffer the target]; grins. ";

say "He gets up and comes out of his office.

'This is perfect,' Waterstone says. 'One more example to put into my talk [--] but I really should be going [--] should be able to get a ride from my wife [--] if I leave now [--] Here, you can have this if it interests you. I won't have time to use it.' He sets an invitation down on the desk.

'Come back and talk to me again later,' he adds. 'We can discuss your goals as a student. And now I really have to go [--] should have gone hours ago.' (There, see: he can be a nice man. More or less.)

He locks his door again and goes out. I think he is actually humming something.";

move the invitation to the u-shaped desk;

now the invitation is essential;

remove Professor Waterstone from play;

remove the small laptop from play;

complete "Speak to Professor Waterstone and get his invitation to see the T-inserter";

say "[line break]>";

wait for any key;

say "[paragraph break]Before we can do anything, Waterstone pops his head back in. 'What you did there [--] not strictly within the rules. But I admire, shall we say, [i]Realpolitik[/i]. You'll go far. Ignore Brown, but you'd probably do that anyway. Never talk to Higgate at all. I will see you later.'[paragraph break]And he pops back out.";

rule succeeds.

A Water-reaction rule for the passage when the ass does not proffer the passage:

say "[one of]Waterstone looks at the passage, briefly arrested by some thought. He gets a monocle like mine out of his drawer. He looks through it at the passage.

But what he sees disappoints him, and he shoves the monocle away again. He writes something on a paper and holds it up: 'Good thought [--] P-ASS-AGE [--] but it must have been genuinely constructed from [']ass['], not cobbled from [a list of things that proffer the passage]. Can't cite it.'

This is an awful lot of writing; why the man can't come to the door and hold a conversation I don't know. But that's Waterstone for you[or]He checks the passage again, then shakes his head in disappointment when he sees it's not made with genuine ass[stopping].";

rule succeeds.

A Water-reaction rule for the cock-ring:

say "Waterstone sees what [you][']ve made of the cock, and clutches desperately at his hair as though he's going to tear it out in tufts. His eyes bulge and water. I've never seen the man so close to apoplexy.

I think that was exactly the wrong thing, somehow.";

rule succeeds.

A Water-reaction rule for a naughty-sounding thing (called target):

say "Waterstone glares at [the target]. Then he picks up a marker and writes on a piece of paper, '[one of]Yes, but how to change its name to something innocent?[no line break][or]Now you're just taunting me.[no line break][or]Please go away![no line break][stopping]' Having held up this sign for a minute, he crumples it and goes back to work.

If he were a cartoon there would be a thundercloud over his laptop.";

rule succeeds.

A Water-reaction rule for the clock:

say "Waterstone inspects the clock through his monocle a moment. Then he picks up a marker and writes on a piece of paper, 'It was always a CLOCK. I need something where the original was naughty.' Having held up this sign for a minute, he crumples it and goes back to work.";

rule succeeds.

A last Water-reaction rule for something (called the target):

say "[one of]Waterstone looks up from his work long enough to give us an irritated glare.[or]Waterstone barely glances away from his typing this time.[or]Without looking up, Waterstone sticks out his tongue. Really, he's clearly very upset about his deadlines, it seems.[or][You] get only a momentary flicker of attention from Waterstone.[stopping]";

if the draft document is examined:

say "[line break]He seems to get that we're trying to show him [the target][one of], but as [it-they] [is-are] not related to the concept of homonym shame, it's not much help with his paper, so he probably doesn't want to be distracted[or], but [it-they] [is-are] not something whose original sounded dirty, so presumably that's not a lot of help with the paper[stopping].";

else:

if the draft document is seen:

say "[line break]He seems to get that we're trying to show him [the target], but I don't think he's very interested. His work doesn't seem to be going well. Maybe if we actually read the document he was trying to print, that would give us some idea.";

else:

say "[line break]He seems to get that we're trying to show him [the target], but I don't think he's very interested. His work doesn't seem to be going well. It's probably to do with whatever he's trying to print on the department printer.";

rule succeeds.

Sanity-check saying hello to Professor Waterstone when Professor Waterstone is enclosed by Waterstone's Office and office-door-1 is closed and the location is Language Studies Department Office:

say "Waterstone is unable to hear you through the closed door, which is presumably the purpose of closing it, so let's try knocking instead.";

try knocking on office-door-1 instead.

Sanity-check giving something to Professor Waterstone when Professor Waterstone is enclosed by Waterstone's Office and office-door-1 is closed and the location is Language Studies Department Office:

now held-over-object is the noun;

say "Waterstone is unable to hear you through the closed door, which is presumably the purpose of closing it, so let's try knocking instead.";

try knocking on office-door-1 instead.

Sanity-check showing something to Professor Waterstone when Professor Waterstone is enclosed by Waterstone's Office and office-door-1 is closed and the location is Language Studies Department Office:

now held-over-object is the noun;

say "Waterstone is unable to hear you through the closed door, which is presumably the purpose of closing it, so let's try knocking instead.";

try knocking on office-door-1 instead.

Held-over-object is a thing that varies.

Instead of showing something to special glass window when Professor Waterstone is enclosed by Waterstone's Office and office-door-1 is closed and the location is Language Studies Department Office:

say "Though there is a window and Waterstone can watch the outer office from his desk, he is unable to hear you through the closed door, which is presumably the purpose of closing it. I will try knocking instead.";

now held-over-object is the noun;

try knocking on office-door-1.

Instead of giving something to office-door-1 when Professor Waterstone is enclosed by Waterstone's Office and office-door-1 is closed and the location is Language Studies Department Office:

say "Waterstone is unable to hear you through the closed door, which is presumably the purpose of closing it, so let's try knocking instead.";

now held-over-object is the noun;

try knocking on office-door-1.

A special glass window is part of office-door-1. The description of the special glass window is "It's nearly the width of the door, and fills most of the upper half of the frame."

After deciding the scope of player when the player is in Language Studies Department Office:

place Waterstone's Office in scope.

A description-concealing rule when the location is the Language Studies Department Office:

now everything which is enclosed by Waterstone's Office is not marked for listing.

Report Professor Waterstone closing office-door-1:

say "The office door closes with measured firmness behind us." instead.

Report Professor Waterstone locking office-door-1 with something:

say "Through the window in Waterstone's door, [you] can see him turning the lock. When he catches us watching he gives a tight, unfriendly smile and goes back to his desk." instead.

Instead of searching the special glass window when office-door-1 is closed:

if the location is Waterstone's Office:

say "It's amazing what a great view there is."; [this actually should never happen because we shouldn't wind up trapped with W.]

otherwise:

if Professor Waterstone is enclosed by Waterstone's Office:

say "Though he can easily see us through the office door window, Professor Waterstone resolutely ignores our impolite staring. He's trying to get something done on his laptop, but keeps stopping to stare at the screen or, apparently, to curse at it.";

otherwise:

say "Waterstone's office looks oddly bare now that the man himself is gone."

Instead of searching the special glass window when office-door-1 is open:

say "[You] get a view of the wall behind the door, which is not terribly exciting."

Waterstone's Office is north of office-door-1. It is an office. It is privately-controlled.

The description of Waterstone's Office is "A very finicky, neatly arranged room, in which one never feels quite at home.".

Rule for writing a paragraph about a desk (called target) which is in Waterstone's office:

say "There is an almost bare desk[if something is on the target], which at the moment supports [a list of things on the target][end if]." Waterstone's Office is indoors.

[Waterstone is not based on any department chair I've worked for, nor on my own advisor (all of whom have been thoroughly nice people).]

Professor Waterstone is an alert man in Waterstone's Office.

The description of Waterstone is "Waterstone is in many respects a brilliant man, but he also has a spectacular capacity for ticking people off. He has a dry, off-beat sense of hum[our] whose output is often indistinguishable from insult; he is also convinced that he knows best about most topics of policy, which brings him into frequent disagreement with his colleagues, the dean, and (we hear) his wife.".

The introduction of Waterstone is "Waterstone is my dissertation advisor. (He insists on the 'o' spelling.) He's an expert in the history of linguistic and orthographical power, but he's politically kind of reactionary. 'Don't meddle' is pretty much his motto[if Professor Higgate is introduced]. He and Professor Higgate don't always get along that well[end if]."

od-key unlocks office-door-1. od-key is carried by Waterstone.

Rule for deciding the concealed possessions of Waterstone:

if the particular possession is the od-key:

yes.

Report Professor Waterstone saying hello to the player:

if Waterstone does not recollect W-identifies, queue W-identifies;

otherwise say "'Hello[one of] again[or][at random],' Waterstone says.";

stop the action.

When play begins:

let target be a random desk which is in Waterstone's Office;

move the invitation to the target;

move the small laptop to the target;

let new target be a random chair which is in waterstone's office;

move Professor Waterstone to the new target.

An invitation is a thing. The heft of the invitation is 1.

The description of the invitation is "It is a white card, like a wedding invitation, with swirly script lettering. 'You are invited,' it says, '[waterstone-invited]to a demonstration of a new T-inserter not available to the general public [--] Serial Comma Day [--] Bureau of Orthography.'

Smaller, meaner sans-serif lettering across the bottom adds: 'Bring this card for admission.'"

The introduction is "It's from Dental Consonants Limited. Their design of stationery is unmistakable."

Understand "lettering" or "invite" or "stationery" as the invitation.

Instead of taking the invitation when the location is Waterstone's Office:

say "We reach out our hand. He watches us the way a bird of prey might watch the twitching of a small garden snake. Our hand retracts. We do not take the invitation."

Instead of examining something when the location of the noun is not the location and the heft of the noun is 1:

say "It's hard to get a good look at [the noun] from this distance."

A small laptop is a laptop. The description is "It goes everywhere with Waterstone and is grimy with long use, but still functional." It is open and switched on.