Counterfeit Monkey — 226 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 1 - A

The heft of an aa is 3. The indefinite article of an aa is "some". The description of the aa is "A chunk of rough black lava, scratchy and porous: the kind of rock made when a volcano fountains into the air, not like the ropy smoother sort formed when lava flows in rivers."

Some aas-object are a plural-named thing. The heft of the aas-object is 5. The description of the aas-object is "A large heap of black lava, mounded up as though by a recent eruption." The printed name of the aas-object is "aas". Understand "aas" as the aas-object.

Instead of searching the aas-object:

say "There are a surprising number of sharp bits: this is friable stone, but it hasn't yet been eroded into smoothness."

The description of the ad is "A folded, rumpled newspaper ad for [ad subject]." The ad has some text called the ad subject. The heft of the ad is 1.

Before examining the ad for the first time:

if the restoration gel is not seen:

change the ad subject of the ad to "Restoring Gel: a unique patented formula to restore lost letters and undo the effects of a letter-remover";


change the ad subject to "[one of]fixed-price dinners at Literal[or]an exhibit on the pre-history of linguistic concepts at the local museum, especially highlighting their possession of an amazing classic codex[or]seaweed wrap treatments at the Fleur d'Or spa[sticky random]";

The adage is an r-abstract thing. The heft of the adage is 0. The description of the adage is "It reads: [one of]Don't make a god of gold[or]The value of a thing is what it may become[or]From little acorns, much corn may be harvested[or]Every stick has three ends[or]Good fences make good fertil[ize]r[or]Even players have layers[or]If hoses were horses, gardeners would rule the racetrack[or]The fanciest word is the least productive[or]Wordplay is stronger than swordplay[or]Judge a man by his verbs alone[at random]."

The heft of the Aga is 6. The description of the Aga is "It is a massive and somewhat frightening stove, made of cast iron and with a constant fire inside." Instead of touching the Aga: say "It is very hot."

An age is r-abstract. The heft of an age is 0. The description is "I was expecting something about the elderly and mortality: perhaps a grey beard or a cane or something like that.

But no, it has come out as the representation of an era, the golden age of Atlantis. Across the flickering surface [--] as though you had a documentary on fast-forward [--] play the sepia features of Jon Rosehip and Clarence Arbot, the discovery of linguistic efficacy, the foundation of the University. A deplural[ization] cannon fires, the effects discreetly off-screen. A tiny parade goes by. Phyllida Shaply gives a speech to a clamorous crowd. Confetti rains on Deep Street. And then the loop repeats."

The ahi is an edible thing. The indefinite article of an ahi is "some". The description of the ahi is "Sashimi-grade tuna, deep translucent pink except around the edges, where it has been seared and coated with blackened sesame seeds.". Understand "tuna" or "fish" as the ahi.

The heft of an air is 0. The indefinite article of an air is "some". The description of an air is "It's hard to see." The scent-description of an air is "nothing".

Sanity-check doing something other than smelling with an air when the noun must be touched:

say "[The noun] is not susceptible to [action name part of the current action]." instead.

Sanity-check doing something when the second noun is an air and the second noun must be touched:

if the noun is the restoration gel:

make no decision;

say "[The second noun] can't be used that way." instead.

Test air with "purloin air / x air / wear monocle / x air / touch air / smell air / drop air / listen to air / taste air / tie sky to air" holding the monocle.

Every turn when the player carries an air (called target air):

move the target air to the repository;

say "The air becomes indistinguishable from all the other air around us."

An ale is usually edible, contained, and fluid. The description is "A delicious nutbrown ale in a cool glass." The indefinite article is "some". Understand "pool" or "puddle" as the ale. The heft of the ale is usually 3.

The flavor-description is "I find it pleasant; you apparently prefer harder spirits or wine."

The description of the all is "It's everything. That simple." The all is r-abstract.

[The original Amy was a light Amy Winehouse reference, chosen by the expedient of typing 'Amy' into Google and seeing what the first match was. (Surely the most popular figure would be the one to be reified by linguistic tools.) When her namesake died suddenly, however, it felt like that was in bad taste, so I revised. This Amy is based on the actress Amy Acker, in particular her role as Winifred on Angel.

I also considered Amy Pond, but as I find her kind of annoying, I couldn't bring myself to do it.]

The description of an Amy is usually "She smiles at us when we look at her. She has an air of confused good will, as though she means well but isn't quite paying attention to this plane of reality."

The greeting of an Amy is usually "'Oh, hello,' says Amy. She blinks at us a few times in surprise and then seems to forget again that we're here."

The description of the anagram bullet is "Just one by itself. It can't be loaded like this, but it still manages to look vaguely sinister. It's heavy for its size and has a pointed end."

The description of the anagram bullets is "Heavy, high-impact stuff. Anagramming requires a great deal of force to break the linguistic cohesion of the word or phrase being modified. On the other hand, it's the one process that is routinely effective even on adjective-adhering nouns."

The description of the angle bolt is "A bit of hardware with a 90-degree bend in the middle, and threading at one end to attach a hex nut."

The ant is an insect. The heft of the ant is 0. The description is "This particular ant is large, and fire-red, which makes it menacing, but fortunately harder to lose."

An applet is r-abstract. The heft is 0. The description is "An abstract representation. An anonymous browser window appears to hover in the air, [one of][if protest-scenario has happened and protest-scenario ended in DP-tanking]currently replaying a satellite footage of the deplural[ization] a few hours ago[otherwise]currently showing satellite footage of the big demonstration a few hours ago[end if][or]streaming a television show from one of Atlantis['] top chefs, demonstrating how to depluralize fruit for best effect. [one of]'Single varietal fruits produce the most intense flav[our],' she's explaining to the screen, a bushel of limes at her side[or]'A mixture of different varieties can produce a well-structured blend, as with a Bordeaux,' she continues[cycling][or]currently playing streaming video of a rally by the Atlantean Anti-Babel Party[or]streaming news clips of the Serial Comma Day celebration[or]streaming a public service message about keeping letter tools out of the hands of children[or]currently playing a web game about jumping cats[or]currently playing a text-based web game[as decreasingly likely outcomes]."

The ape is an animal. "The ape, which is of the menacing kind rather than of the sweetly charming kind, has us fixed in an unpleasant stare." The description is "It is very large."

The description of the arc is "A bent bow of steel, but more decorative than functional." The heft is 3.

The arcsin is r-abstract. The description of the arcsin is "It's a simple midair graph: a piece of a sine wave stood on end. There is something deeply pleasing about the structure despite its simplicity, as with almost all mathematical abstracts."

The ark is a vehicle. The heft of the ark is 10. The description of the ark is "From here, the width of the bow in cubits is hard to guess. It just looks huge, much too huge for the little space it's crammed into…". The scent-description of the ark is "newly sawn planks".

The arm is a long thing. The description is "A girl's arm, by the look of it, amputated neatly at the shoulder joint. The fingernails are painted shell-pink." Understand "shoulder" or "joint" or "fingernails" or "nails" or "nail" or "wrist" or "elbow" as the arm.

The armband is a thing. The description is "A black armband with the letter I behind a universal negation sign. It is the symbol of those who believe that no one should be executed by being turned inanimate, a protest against judicial procedures on the island. Wearing it around a policeman is likely to provoke a very unpleasant response." The armband is floppy and wearable and illegal. Understand "black" as the armband.

The armchair is a chair. The heft of the armchair is 5. The description is "Covered with red and orange flowered upholstery."

The army-coat is a floppy wearable thing. It covers the torso-area. Understand "army" or "coat" as the army-coat. The printed name is "army coat". The description of the army-coat is "It doesn't look like much: blotchy camouflage cloth in the greens and browns of the Atlantean landscape, with a stitched-on name patch. But it's heavy and warm." The name patch is part of the army-coat. The description of the name patch is "It reads ROSEHIP in blocky embroidery."

The scent-description of the army-coat is "something musty and slightly chemical".

[The description of the arousing lorgnette is "It's a very old-fashioned set of spectacles on a stick, the sort an 18th-century lady might hold to her eyes to stare at someone across the room. This particular lorgnette is compellingly attractive."

Instead of wearing the arousing lorgnette:

say "It can be held in front of the eyes on a stick, but not actually worn."]

The ascot is a floppy wearable thing. The heft of the ascot is 1. The description of the ascot is "One of those wide silk tie/cravat things that groomsmen wear at fancy morning weddings. It's grey and ready for use."

The scent-description is "lilac and white musk cologne".

The alterna-letter is an r-abstract thing. The description of the alterna-letter is "A giant floating letter A." The printed name is "letter". Understand "letter" as the alterna-letter. The heft of the alterna-letter is 0.

The heft of the arctic is 12. The description of the arctic is "Enormous, frozen plains graced only by the occasional caribou, polar bear, and oil rig."

The description of the airfoil is "A big, awkward metal piece from something; it looks like a propellor blade." The heft of the airfoil is 6.

The heft of the alp is 12. The description of the alp is "It looks quite a lot like the Eiger from this angle."

The armpit is a thing. The description of the armpit is "It's a relatively inoffensive armpit as these things go, but, because detached from the rest of a body, it still looks like something a serial killer would leave around."

The scent-description is "deod[our]ant".

The description of the art is "It's a very plausible copy of [one of]'Still Life with a Bunch of Rapes' by the great feminist Atlantean painter Annamarie Rosehip[or]'A Portrait of Whistler's Other' by Thomas Whistler Rosehip[or]'Still Life with Bead Loaf' by the surrealist painter Lewis Rosehip[or]'Flight of the Turtledoes' by the surrealist great Lewis Rosehip[or]the narrative painting 'If Wishes Were Horses, Bears Would Ride' by the great Atlantean socialist painter Lawrence Rosehip[or]Théophile Rosehip's surprisingly erotic classical work 'The Aft of the Medusa'[sticky random]."

The indefinite article is "some".

The scent-description of the art is "linseed oil".

The fake-as is a thing. THe printed name is "as". Understand "as" as the fake-as. The description of the fake-as is "[one of]It appears to be an as, a [or]A [stopping]Roman coin of very low denomination[one of]. (Your knowledge, not mine. Should I ask how you know such things?)[or].[stopping] It is made of copper and has the letters S C stamped on one side." Understand "roman" or "coin" or "copper" as the fake-as. The heft of the fake-as is 1.

Instead of searching or looking under the fake-as:

say "We inspect both obverse and reverse, but come away none the wiser."

Instead of buying the fake-as:

say "We're much too late for speculation in this particular currency."

Instead of touching or squeezing or rubbing the fake-as:

say "The metal surface is dull and weathered, skin-temperature, all smooth edges."

The ass is an animal. "Adorably miniature, as donkeys on this island tend to be: he comes up to roughly knee-height and could be carried like a dog, though his sentiments on the experience might not be flattering. He does still have a bite, and back legs."

The description of the ass is "He is not the ideal companion in a mission of stealth."

The heft is 3.

Instead of listening to the ass:

say "[one of]The ass lets out an experimental half-bray[or]The ass brays[or]'HEE-haw,' says the ass[at random]."

The assart is r-abstract. The description of the assart is "The assart appears, from the flickering images, to do with digging up or stealing plant growth, and then being punished for it[if the thicket is not in church garden]. Disconcertingly, our little adventure with turning the THICKET into a TICKET is included in the parade of views[end if]."

An atlantida-shellfish is a thing [in the Oracle Project]. The printed name is "atlantida". Understand "atlantida" or "shellfish" or "scallop" or "clam" or "shell" as atlantida-shellfish. The description is "It's a sort of shellfish, vaguely like a clam or scallop but bigger and with different ridges." The introduction is "I recognize it only because of a documentary program about the local fossil record."

Instead of tasting or eating the atlantida-shellfish:

say "It's long dead, and all the substance turned to stone."

Report taking the atlantida-shellfish:

say "[You] pick up the atlantida. It's heavy as a rock, because it has been fossilized." instead.