Counterfeit Monkey — 227 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 2 - B

A ba is usually r-abstract. The description of a ba is "It's a representation of the soul as seen in Egyptian religion: a bird with a tiny human head. It has black hair and blue eyes and a knowing smile.

Something about the face looks a little like me [--] at least, I see it that way. You might see something more like you."

The bait is a thing. The description is "A slightly muddy collection of worms, ready to be stuck on a hook." The scent-description is "damp earth". The indefinite article is "some".

The ballad is r-abstract and noisy.

The description is "The ballad doesn't look like much, but it certainly does sing on and on."

Instead of listening to the ballad: say "The ballad is [one of]singing out something about Lord Randall[or]going on about Tam Lin[or]making quite a fuss about a dead highwayman[or]warning of the dangers of flirting with demon lovers[at random]."

The description of the ballcock is "It is a mechanism involving a floater ball on a hinge: the sort of thing used to regulate the water flow inside the tank of a toilet[one of]. I've seen them dozens of times before without ever really thinking about what they were called[or][stopping]."

The baklava is an edible thing. The indefinite article is "some". The description is "Sweet and positively dripping with honey and nuts."

The scent-description of the baklava is "pistachios".

The ban is r-abstract. The heft is 0. The description of the ban is "The abstract concept of ban has become a cartoonish picture of a depressed computer moping for its friends.

This was a famous political cartoon a year or two ago; it represents in small the Bureau's legislation against unauthor[ize]d access to parts of the internet outside our firewall. The artist hasn't produced any further cartoons."

The alterna-band is a person. The printed name of the alterna-band is "band". Understand "band" as the alterna-band. The heft of the alterna-band is 10. The description of the alterna-band is "The band consists of a thuggish drummer, two guitarists, and a girl vocalist with straight black hair and chunky glasses. They bear a certain resemblance to The Anagrammists, an Altantean alternative band with a brief heyday in the late 90s before the members mysteriously dispersed."

The bandage is a wearable floppy thing. The description of the bandage is "It's made of thick strips of white gauze and looks like it ought to be worn by a WWI veteran. Happily, it manifested without any blood or bodily fluids already in evidence." The heft of the bandage is 1.

The bandana is a floppy wearable thing. The description is "It's a souvenir: bright Atlantean blue cloth patterned with the letter f, and a patch in one corner with the letters FRG, hon[our]ing the members of the Fricatives Research Group." Understand "frg" or "patch" or "fricatives" or "research" or "group" as the bandana.

The heft of the bandana is 1.

The description of the banding is "It's a small field research tag on a band, suitable for attaching to the leg of a bird whose migrations and population fluctuations are under study."

[ Add something for trying to put this on a bird?]

Sanity-check putting the banding on the roc:

say "The roc's leg is comically too large for the banding to fit." instead.

Sanity-check putting the banding on a bird:

say "[The second noun] hop[s] away disobligingly. There must be some ornithologist's trick to this, but I don't know it." instead.

Sanity-check wearing the banding:

say "I suppose we could be said to be migratory, but surely the point is to avoid being tracked?" instead.

Sanity-check poking head through banding:

say "Our head has, fortunately, a greater diameter than the leg of a sparrow." instead.

The bandit is a man. The description is "A lean and hungry gentleman, from the island's disreputable past. For a little while in the late 17th century Atlantis was something of a haven for criminals too lawless for the mainland." Understand "lean" or "hungry" or "thief" or "gentleman" as the bandit.

The greeting of the bandit is "'Yarr,' say[s] the bandit, with exhalations of onion."

The bantam is a bird. The description is "Inasmuch as a chicken can be considered adorable, this is an adorable chicken: half normal size, and with big fluffy white feathers."

The bar is a thing. The description is "Imagine a stereotypical prison cell in a stereotypical movie. Now imagine the round metal bars in the window of that stereotypical cell. This is one of those bars. It's a couple of feet long, maybe an inch in diameter, and fairly heavy." The bar is long.

The scent-description of the bar is "iron".

The bard is a man. The description of the bard is "He's dressed like a strolling minstrel from a Renaissance fair[if bard sings is happening], and he's singing about as well[otherwise], and looks as though he's going to burst into a rendition of Greensleeves at any moment[end if]."

The scent-description of the bard is "medieval hygiene".

Bard sings is a scene. Bard sings begins when the player can see the bard. Bard sings ends when the player cannot see the bard.

Every turn during Bard Sings:

choose a random row in the Table of Bard Song;

say description entry;

say paragraph break.

Instead of singing during bard sings:

say "[You] attempt to sing louder than the bard and cover up his illicit lyricism, but it turns out that [one of]O Atlantida, Lead Thy People Free[or]Pop Goes the Phoenician Sailor[or]Paint Is A Pain and Pain is a Pan[or]The Chard Farmer's Anthem[or]In The Squid's Garden[at random] does not drown him out."

Table of Bard Song

description
"'Fowles in the frith,' sings the bard incomprehensibly, 'The fisshes in the flood, And I mon waxe wood.' He'd better not start waxeing his wood around here, that's all I have to say."
"'My lief is faren in londe, Allas, why is she so?' sings the bard. It's a good thing no police are around now, or he might be fined for singing in an archaic dialect without a permit."
"'Ewe bleteth after lamb, Loweth after calve cow,' intones the bard. 'Bulloc sterteth, bucke verteth, Merye sing cuckou!' He certainly seems keen on barnyard animals."
"The bard sings, 'Heo is coral of godnesse, Heo is rubie of ryhtfulnesse, Heo is cristal of clannesse, Ant baner of bealté.'"
"The bard sings bravely out, 'Mon in the mone stond and strit; on his botforke his burthen he bereth.' I don't know what a botforke is either, but it sounds to me like plumber's crack."
"The bard draws breath and sings, 'Mon mai longe liues wene, Ac ofte him lieth the wrench, Feir weder turneth ofte into reine, And wunderliche hit maketh his blench.'"

Instead of listening to the bard during bard sings:

say "It is difficult to avoid hearing, really."

Instead of listening to the location in the presence of the bard:

say "The bard is impossible not to listen to. Or rather: impossible not to hear."

The basin is a container. The description of the basin is "A stainless steel bowl, appropriate to cooking or perhaps surgery."

The basins are a container. The description of the basins is "A couple of nested metal bowls, so generic they might equally be used for mixing dough or for holding vital organs during a surgery. The irksome thing is that, having been made as a matched set, they cannot really be separated."

A basis is an r-abstract thing. The description is "It's abstract, but the best the abstraction was able to come up with in this case is something that looks like a small portable pedestal. Perhaps the base on which things are established? Something like that."

A bass is an r-abstract noisy thing. The description is "A deep resonant voice with very little visible at all, save a kind of trembling in the air. There's no mistaking where it is, though. It's currently [one of]reading out the nightly news, mostly about the great success of Serial Comma Day celebrations[or]singing a popular drinking song about synonyms[or]practicing scales[at random]." The heft of the bass is 0.

The bass-fish is a privately-named thing. The description is "A trophy of a fish. I don't know much about species, but it does look like it has a big mouth, certainly." The printed name is "bass". Understand "bass" or "fish" as the bass-fish. The heft of the bass-fish is 3.

The heft of the bat is 1. The description of the bat is "It's small and black-furred, and looks like it would rather be in a cool dark place alone with some fruit."

The Ben-wig is wearable. It covers the head-area. The printed name is "Ben wig". Understand "wig" or "ben wig" as the ben-wig. The description is "It is a wig belonging to [--] at a guess [--] a Ben Franklin costume. A rubbery pate simulates baldness at the top of the head, while grey curls hang below. It would not, I fear, look remotely persuasive on our head."

The scent-description is "the faintest whiff of dust".

The description of the bell is "It's a tiny golden bell with a tiny golden clapper inside." The bell is an instrument.

The description of the bill is "It itemizes the recipient's tax bill, payable to the Bureau immediately. This includes a list of 'estimated savings,' detailing what the tax-payer would have spent if, for instance, the Bureau maintained a full-service prison system."

The printed name of the abstract-bend is "bend". Understand "bend" as the abstract-bend. The description of the abstract-bend is "The bend is realized as a turn of about 60 degrees in a length of copper pipe." The abstract-bend is long and strong.

The bet is usually r-abstract. Understand "wager" or "betting book" as a bet. The description of a bet is usually "It's represented as a wager written down in a betting book, the current entry concerning [one of]this year's chard harvest[or]the number of days it's destined to be rainy in Atlantis this year[or]a horse inventively named Mare[or]the minimum possible driving time from Palm Square over to the Rust Tip Parking Lot in Maiana on the other side of the island[sticky random]."

The heft of the big revel is 20. The description of the big revel is "It's the entirety of a party in true Gatsby style: dancers doing the Charleston, the orchestra to play the music, the waiters to circulate the canapes, some sculptures, a fountain or two, a fireworks display."

The bind is r-abstract. The description of the bind is "It's represented as an old-fashioned illustration of Odysseus['] passage between the rock and the hard place. Scylla's heads poke out over the water, her doggy eyes red with wrath."

The heft of a bit is usually 1. The description of the bit is usually "One of those small metal pieces used to attach bridles to horses. One doesn't see them much in ordinary life, these days."

The description of the blest sandal is "A very worn and dusty relic, of which only a few leather straps and a filthy sole now remain. Yet, despite its state, it presents an aura of significance, even holiness." The blest sandal is wearable.

Sanity-check wearing the blest sandal:

say "It just wouldn't seem right." instead.

The boa is a floppy wearable thing. The description of the boa is "Made of bright pink synthetic feathers. It would really liven up our look, I have to say." Understand "bright" or "pink" or "synthetic" or "feathers" as the boa. Understand "feather boa" as the boa. Understand "feather" as the boa when the hackle is not visible.

The scent-description of the boa is "plastic".

The boar is an animal. The description of the boar is "In the old days they used to hunt these animals, and I can understand the impulse. It's like a pig, but even uglier and bristlier, with long dangerous-looking tusky teeth coming out of both its top and bottom jaws." The heft is 7.

Report waving the letter-remover at the boar:

say "Our hand is less than steady, but [you] manage to wave the letter-remover accurately enough.[paragraph break]The boar vanishes with a pop, and [a generated object] fall[s] harmlessly to the ground. [run paragraph on]";

try examining the generated object instead.

Boar mating is a recurring scene. Boar mating begins when the boar can see the player and the boar can see the suid. Boar mating ends in disappointment when the boar cannot see the suid. Boar mating ends in death when the boar cannot see the player.

Every turn during Boar Mating:

say "[one of]The boar looks at us unpleasantly, but then the pleasing scent of the [suid] attracts it instead[or]The boar is circling the suid, as near as it can in this awkward space[or][one of]The boar follows the suid around, its nose at her butt[or]The suid is trying to walk away from the boar[or]The boar makes an attempt to mount the suid, but slips on the sand[or]The suid squeals indignantly and walks away from the boar, who follows[at random][stopping]."

[The boar attack is based on several accounts of real life attacks in which the boar repeatedly rushed the victim (often unprovoked), gashing in several places. The most serious wounds generally are abdominal wounds inflicted after the boar has knocked the victim down. It would be more true to life if the boar also left gashes in the protagonist's leg in the process of knocking her down, but I decided to skip that because I didn't want to deal with a game state in which the protagonist was wounded but not dead: it would have needlessly complicated the writing of the end-game to no interesting narrative effect.]

Boar attack is a recurring scene. Boar attack begins when the boar can see the player and the boar cannot see the suid. Boar attack ends in relief when the boar cannot see the player. Boar attack ends in distraction when the boar can see the suid. Boar attack ends in death when the time since Boar Attack began is 3 minutes.

Every turn during Boar Attack:

let T be the time since Boar Attack began;

let N be T divided by 1 minute;

increment N;

choose row N in the Table of Boar Attacks;

say "[description entry][paragraph break]".

Table of Boar Attacks

description
"The boar gives us a very nasty kind of look, and then [--] without any provocation, I'm sure [--] starts running right at us[if the player is in the kayak], even into the surf[end if]."
"The boar just barely misses giving us a long gash in [if the player is in the kayak]the stomach[otherwise]the thigh[end if], but it wheels around for another attempt. If it knocks us down, I am not too hopeful about our experience with those tusks."
"I try to get us out of the way in one direction, you in another, and the result is that the boar knocks [if the player is in the kayak]the kayak over[otherwise]us flat[end if] with the butt of its head. It stands over us snorting."

When boar attack ends in death:

say "The boar decides to have another go, tearing viciously at the soft flesh of our abdomen. The whole thing is oddly slow and horribly precise[if the player is in the kayak], and the foam turns bloody around us...[otherwise], and the blood makes a rivulet down to the sea...[end if]";

end the game saying "[You] have been mortally wounded, and there's no one around to help".

Instead of jumping during boar attack:

say "[You] do our best to get out of the way."

Some tusks are part of the boar. The description of the tusks is "Let's not find out anything more personal about them."

The board is a thing. The description of the board is "It's a fairly generic plank [--] sort of pine, by the looks of it, though constructed things tend to be a little vague on niceties such as species [--] and looks like it's designed to be part of a new deck or somesuch thing." The board is long.

The scent-description of the board is "raw wood".

The bock is a contained fluid edible thing. The description of the bock is "It's a bottle of strong German lager with a goat on the label."

The scent-description of the bock is "beer".

The bond is r-abstract. The description of the bond is "It's an Atlantis treasury bond, one of the hundred-year wartime series. It's set to mature in 2042."

Sanity-check burning the bond:

say "A bold political statement, but no." instead.

The description of the bondage is "Made of black leather straps and strong steel rivets, it is designed to hold the user's wrists and ankles immobile." The indefinite article is "some". The bondage is wearable.

Sanity-check cutting the bondage:

say "That would undermine its intended purpose rather." instead.

Sanity-check wearing the bondage:

say "There's no time for a fetish modeling shoot just now." instead.

The bot is r-abstract. The description of the bot is "A Bureau of Orthography web crawler, whose purpose is to search out negative or defamatory statements about Atlantis for censorship or 'remediation.' It's represented here by some sample lines of code."

The branding is r-abstract. The description of the branding is "A series of successful product logos sift through the air. This one comes with overtones of [one of]high-end luxury[or]self-pampering[or]virility[or]femininity[or]confidence[at random]; that one makes us think of [one of]affordability[or]reliable performance[or]superior business ethics[at random]." The scent-description of the branding is "[one of]new cars[or]upscale perfume[or]cinnamon[or]vanilla[at random]".

[Originally the brown tree / brown tee were colorless, but this meant that it was possible to do the TREE/TEE puzzle without ever picking up the officer's rifle. That was considerably less interesting.]

The description of the broken component is "A contraption of metal gears and ratchets. It's obviously bent now, but there's a slot that at one time was meant to hook onto the letter J."

The description of the breathable silky cotton is "A bolt of very pleasant material in cadet blue." The indefinite article of the breathable silky cotton is "some".

The description of the brown tee is "It's a brown wooden peg for putting a golf ball on. Apparently the All-Purpose Officer performed a little light R-insertion when he found himself in need of a portable tree." The heft of the brown tee is 1. The brown tee is scenery.

The bull is an animal. The description of the bull is "He looks as though he has just been transported away from his cows, and he isn't at all pleased about the change. As a matter of fact, he blames us personally."

The heft of the bund is 10. The description of the bund is "An earthwork embankment designed to prevent oil repositories from bursting their banks and spilling into the surrounding waters."

The heft of a fake-bus is 10. The description of a fake-bus is "It's one of the coaches that runs a regular service between here and Maiana. The windows are tinted to keep off the worst of the afternoon glare.". The printed name of the fake-bus is "bus". Understand "bus" as the fake-bus.

The heft of some buses is 10. The description of buses is "There's a whole fleet of them, perhaps every bus on the island. They're dusty: the road to Maiana gets dry in the summer."