Counterfeit Monkey — 234 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 9 - Pa

The description of a pa is "He's a Norman Rockwell figure: gruff, upstanding, honest, not a big talker. Doesn't actually come with a child attached, but it stands to reason he would have a large-ish brood of them." Understand "figure" or "man" or "guy" or "gentleman" as the pa.

The scent-description of a pa is "shaving cream".

The greeting of a pa is "'Hello there, young lady,' says the pa."

Rule for writing a paragraph about a pa:

say "The pa you summoned is standing nearby, looking slightly confused."

Instead of asking a pa about something, try telling the noun about it.

Instead of telling a pa about something:

say "'Huh,' he says, in that gruff pre-occupied way of his."

Instead of kissing the pa:

say "[one of][You] plant a kiss on his slightly stubbled cheek. He reddens.[or][You] lean in for another, but he dodges.[or]Would you take off[ense] if I mentioned I find this all a bit uncomfortable?[or]He clearly does not want our girlish affections.[stopping]".

Instead of attacking the pa:

say "If it came to a fight, he would win."

Every turn when the player carries a pa (called target):

move the target to the location;

say "[The target] is very heavy, and winds up (before his transformation is complete) stepping on our feet, and then scrambling away (with apologies)."

[The description of the paint is "Bright blue paint, of the house-painting variety and not the thicker, more controllable kind used for art." The indefinite article is "some". ]

[Some pain is an r-abstract thing.

The description is "It looks like the edge of a knife one moment, and the next like the red-hot element of an electric stove, and the next like a blunt object."

Instead of smelling the pain:

say "It has the smell of burnt flesh."

Instead of touching the pain:

say "It is searing, but only for a moment."]

The page-person is a man. The printed name is "page". Understand "page" as the page-person. The description is "A boy dressed in livery and a foolish bowl-shaped haircut."

The greeting of the page-person is "The page bows to us obediently."

The description of the painting is "The painting shows Atlantida in a pose parodying the Mona Lisa: arms folded, mouth very faintly smiling. But her expression, far from being enigmatic or tranquil, is an alarming glare, and her eyes follow wherever [we] go."

The pal is a man. The description of the pal is "Our [pal] smiles back at us with friendly, boyish affection. There are whole summers' worth of innocence in that grin. [one of]Did you ever have a best friend, growing up? I didn't, really. I was more of a loner. But I liked that, I think.[or][stopping]".

The greeting of the pal is "'Hey!' says the pal enthusiastically. 'You're here!'"

The i-pan is a container. The description of the i-pan is "An [if the player wears the Britishizing goggles]omelette[otherwise]omelet[end if]-sized skillet in cast iron."

The printed name is "pan".

Understand "pan" or "skillet" or "flat" or "cast" or "iron" as the i-pan.

The heft of the i-pan is 3.

Some iron-pans are a plural-named container. The description of the iron-pans is "A set of flat skillets in cast iron: extremely bulky and heavy." The heft of the iron-pans is 5.

The printed name is "pans".

Understand "pan" or "skillet" or "flat" or "cast" or "iron" or "pans" as the iron-pans.

Report involuntarily-dropping the iron-pans:

say "[You] can't reasonably carry the whole stack of pans, so they fall to the ground with a dramatic crash." instead.

The pant is an r-abstract thing. The description of the pant is "The physical embodiment of a rapid breath of hot air. It looks like a cloud in your hand."

Some pants are a thing. The description of the pants is "They're khaki pants of a sexless, ageless variety." The pants are floppy and wearable. The pants cover the legs-area.

Instead of putting restoration gel on the pants when the player wears the pants:

say "That might have some odd effects given that the pants are currently on our body."

The papa is a man. The description of the papa is "Like a pa, only longer ago: not Norman Rockwell, but a Victorian Papa, with lots of facial hair and a round stomach."

The greeting of the papa is "'Well, well, bless me,' says the papa. 'Look who's here.'"

The scent-description of a papa is "pipe smoke".

The papas are a man. The description of the papas is "A whole fatherly fleet, talking gravely and seriously among themselves about Gladstone and tobacco and the price of keeping a carriage these days."

The scent-description of the papas is "pipe smoke".

The greeting of the papas is "'Good to see you, my dear,' says one of the papas. 'But I doubt our conversation can interest you.' And he turns back to one of the others, speaking in a hushed voice of [one of]Disraeli[or]Mrs Brown[or]those scandalous deaths in Whitechapel[or]the installation of the underground trains[at random]."

The paper is a notepad. The description of the paper is "It contains a memo, dated to May of 1983. 'Attention,' it says. 'Due to subversive counter-propaganda altering the abstract concept, Subject A must NO LONGER BE GELLED AFTER USE, since reconstructing her may produce anomalous results. She will from now on be housed in a continuous living state in the historic apartments.'"

The allowed-pens of the paper is { pens, pen }.

The scent-description of the paper is "purple ink".

The description of the paper-model is "There's now just one model of the New Church remaining, but it's a doozy, with card stock pews and interior decor to assemble before you get to the outside portion." The printed name of the paper-model is "paper model". Understand "model" or "paper model" as the paper-model.

The description of the pastel bras is "They're pale pink with mint-col[our]ed straps, AA sized, and have tween girl's first foundation garment written all over them." The pastel bras are wearable. They cover the torso-area.

Sanity-check wearing the pastel bras:

say "Please. I think we're a little more shapely than that." instead.

The patching roll is a long floppy thing. The description is "It's an industrial quantity of thin denim with a white backing. This stuff can be cut into pieces and ironed onto jeans and jackets to cover up rips."

The printed name of the patsy-woman is "woman". Understand "woman" as the patsy-woman. The description of the patsy-woman is "She looks timid and thoughtful, on her way to middle age, not extraordinary in any particular way. Certainly she doesn't look as you might imagine a criminal to look."

The description of the par is "Rather weakly represented by a golfing score-card, filled out." Understand "score" or "card" or "score-card" as the par. The par is r-abstract.

The description of the part is "It is made of dull grey metal, with an octagonal shape at one end and a hole for a screw or bolt at the other. I have no idea what it goes with. It might be a plumber's part, or a part for a car, or something else entirely.".

The scent-description of the part is "metal".

The description of the pass is "A Bureau of Orthography visiting pass, a very valuable commodity in these parts. Forging one is grounds for imprisonment. There is a picture on the front that looks more or less like us, though with considerably more hair."

The description of the passcard is "A variant of a passport: it has an image on the front that looks more or less like us, though with more hair, and the stripe on the back is imprinted, presumably, with various biometric information. It's no good at unlocking doors, however."

The scent-description of the passcard is "plastic".

The passage is a notepad. The heft of the passage is 1. The description of the passage is "A short piece of prose neatly letterpressed onto a large sheet of paper. It reads:

[i]The alphabet is a system of interchangeable parts. The word form can be surgically revised, instead of rewritten, to become the word farm or firm or fork or fort or from, or with a little more trouble, to become the word pineapple. [--] Robert Bringhurst[/i]".

The allowed-pens of the passage is { pen, pens }.

The passage-place is a thing. The printed name is "passage". Understand "passage" or "corridor" as the passage-place. The heft of the passage-place is 10. The passage-place is fixed in place. The description is "It's a dark, stone-lined corridor leading into the earth." The initial appearance is "A passage lined in stone descends into the face of [the programmable dais]."

[This portion is, again, totally an Easter egg: there's no need to go to the Shadow Chamber, and on the whole it's pretty unlikely that anyone will on the first try. However, it's a repository for palindromes and word puzzles of non-English and slightly superstitious origin, suggesting that some sense of magic attached to these even before linguistic efficacy was widely detected.]

The Shadow Chamber is a room. It is indoors. "Dim lights in the floor make it possible to navigate in here, though it's still fairly dark. The place is small and shabby, the air stale.[assign-amanda]"

To say assign-amanda:

record "Amanda Waterstone award for discovering cultic passages" as an achievement.

The Greek inscription is fixed in place in the shadow chamber. "Cold water flows from a crack in the wall. Above it, words are carved: ΝΙΨΟΝ ΑΝΟΜΗΜΑΤΑ ΜΗ ΜΟΝΑΝ ΟΨΙΝ." The description is "The words are ΝΙΨΟΝ ΑΝΟΜΗΜΑΤΑ ΜΗ ΜΟΝΑΝ ΟΨΙΝ." Understand "cold" or "water" or "greek" as the Greek inscription.

The sator inscription is fixed in place in the Shadow Chamber. "On the opposite wall is a square of inscribed letters, this time Roman." The description is

"It reads:

[fixed letter spacing]SATOR[line break]AREPO[line break]TENET[line break]OPERA[line break]ROTAS[variable letter spacing]".

Understand "roman" or "letters" or "lettering" or "square" or "square of" as the sator inscription.

Rule for printing the name of the sator inscription when not shooting:

say "Roman inscription".

Sanity-check examining a book in Shadow Chamber:

say "There's not enough light to read comfortably." instead.

Sanity-check consulting a book about something in Shadow Chamber:

say "There's not enough light to read comfortably." instead.

Some dim lights are scenery in the Shadow Chamber. The description is "They glow faintly orange and are just sufficient to give a sense of the place."

The passage-exit is a door. It is scenery. The printed name is "passage". Understand "passage" or "exit" or "passageway" as the passage-exit. It is above Shadow Chamber. Through the passage-exit is the Workshop. The description of the passage-exit is "The way back to the Workshop is entirely dark."

Sanity-check exiting in Shadow Chamber:

if the player is in an enterable thing:

make no decision;

if the player is on an enterable thing:

make no decision;

try going up instead.

Instead of entering the passage-place:

say "[You] clamber down into the passage. It feels disconnected from other places, as though it didn't belong here at all. Soon we can't see the light from the door.";

now the player is in the Shadow Chamber;

refresh compass with current directions.

Test passage with "tutorial off / put bullets in gun / set switch to swap homonym / put passage on dais / turn on dais / enter passage / x nipson inscription / x sator inscription / shoot sator" holding the passage and the anagramming gun and the bullets in the Workshop.

[One of the things I set out to do with the puzzle system in my previous game Savoir-Faire was to duplicate all the dull standard puzzles I was sick of seeing, but with some new twist on them that hadn't been done before. The one that there was really no way to include, however, was the password puzzle: too many IF games use password puzzles as a form of riddle (where you have to guess on the basis of some hints) or a cheap search puzzle (where the answer is written down on a note near the computer). Never in IF does anyone follow good security protocols with strong passwords that aren't written down.

So, I thought, what about a puzzle where people do use fairly unguessable passwords, but the whole concept of a 'password' is compromised by some other law of the universe?]

The password-thing is an r-abstract thing. The description is "A glowing series of numbers and figures in the air, which changes and flickers now and then. Probably responding to its surroundings. It seems unstable just now." The printed name is "password". Understand "password" as the password-thing.

Report switching on a computer which is running a password lock program when the player can see the password-thing:

say "[The startup noise of the noun][paragraph break]";

let target screen be a random screen that is part of the noun;

try examining the target screen;

say "[The password-thing] flickers meaningfully, then stabil[ize]s." instead.

Instead of examining the password-thing in the presence of a password lock program (called target program):

say "Under the influence of [the random computer which is running the target program], the password has settled down and now reads '[password of the target program]'."

Understand "type [password-thing] on/into [keyboard]" as password-entering it on. Understand "type [password-thing] on/into [something]" as password-entering it on.

Understand "enter [password-thing] on/into [keyboard]" as password-entering it on. Understand "enter [password-thing] on/into [something]" as password-entering it on.

Understand "type [password-thing]" as password-entering it on. Understand "enter [password-thing]" as password-entering it on.

Understand "type" as password-entering it on.

Rule for supplying a missing noun while password-entering (this is the guess the password while password-entering rule):

change the noun to the password-thing.

Rule for supplying a missing second noun while password-entering something on (this is the guess a keyboard while password-entering rule):

if the player can touch a keyboard (called target):

change the second noun to the target;


say "You'll have to specify what you want to type on." instead.

Setting action variables for password-entering something on something which is not a keyboard:

if the second noun is a computer:

let the relevant keyboard be a random keyboard which is part of the second noun;

change the second noun to the relevant keyboard;

otherwise if the second noun is something which is part of a computer (called the relevant computer):

let the relevant keyboard be a random keyboard which is part of the relevant computer;

change the second noun to the relevant keyboard;

Password-entering it on is an action applying to two things.

Check password-entering something on something which is not a keyboard:

say "[The second noun] [is-are] not a keyboard." instead.

Check password-entering the password-thing on something which is part of a computer (called secondary target):

unless the secondary target is running a password lock program:

say "[The secondary target] [is-are] not asking for a password." instead.

Carry out password-entering the password-thing on something which is part of a computer (called secondary target):

let chosen program be a random password lock program which is run by the secondary target;

say "[You] carefully key in '[the password of the chosen program]'. [run paragraph on]";

carry out the rewarding successful answering activity with the chosen program;

The pastis is edible contained fluid. The description of the pastis is "An anise-flavored liqueur. It's an acquired taste, but now that I've acquired it, I like to exercise the acquisition as frequently as possible. [one of][i]You[/i] may not be as big a fan, for which I apolog[ize] in advance.[or][stopping]".

The scent-description is "anise".

Instead of tasting the pastis: say "It is strong but somehow calming."

Instead of eating the pastis, try drinking the pastis.

Instead of drinking the pastis:

say "[one of][You] sip a little of the pastis: delicious and cooling![or]Better not drink all of it. This stuff goes to my head, and [you] still have a lot of work to do.[stopping]".

The description of the pasts is "It looks from the side like a shard of glass, but seen straight on, it captures previous events. At the moment it is replaying us [randomly doing something]." The pasts are r-abstract.

Instead of searching the pasts:

try examining the pasts.

Instead of touching the pasts:

say "It feels cool, hard, and smooth, like a piece of window glass."

Instead of attacking the pasts:

say "It is beyond destruction."

Instead of tasting the pasts:

say "The surface is cold and flavorless[one of]. Also, you just licked the memory of my head. So ew[or][stopping]."

Instead of listening to the pasts:

say "Except as a metaphorical gesture, that is wholly unproductive: the shard doesn't replay conversation or do sound effects."

To say randomly doing something:

choose a random row in the Table of Past Actions;

say the chosen action entry.

Table of Past Actions

chosen action
with 25 blank rows.

Every turn:

if the number of blank rows in the Table of Past Actions is 0


choose a random row in the Table of Past Actions;

blank out the whole row;

end if;

choose a blank row in the Table of Past Actions;

change the chosen action entry to the current action.

A pat is usually edible. The description of a pat is "Considering everything it could have been, [you] [are] lucky with this pat: it is only a pat of butter." Understand "pat of butter" or "butter" as a pat. The heft of a pat is 1.

The scent-description of a pat is "cool butter".

Instead of tasting the pat:

say "Unsalted, I think."

Sanity-check eating the pat:

say "I don't like butter without bread."

The description of the pate is "A bit of bald head, fringed with just the hint of greying hair."

The patera is a container. The description of the patera is "A broad, shallow drinking dish. It is made of bronze and looks extremely old, as though it had been brought up from one of the forbidden archaeological sites on the island. Roman, perhaps."

The description of some pat-items is "Pats of butter, still wrapped in gold foil." The printed name of the pat-items is "pats". Understand "pats" or "butter" or "pats of butter" as pat-items. The heft of some pats is 3. The scent-description of some pat-items is "cool butter".