Counterfeit Monkey — 236 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 11 - Pf through Pn

The description of a pi-object is "For something so simple, it is astonishingly beautiful: a perfect circle in translucent silver, absolute and unflawed.". pi-object is r-abstract. The heft of a pi-object is 0. A pi-object is proper-named and privately-named. The printed name of pi-object is "pi". Understand "pi" as a pi-object.

Rule for printing the plural name of pi-object:

say "pi".

The pic is a thing. The description of a pic is "It's a snapshot of a happy family visiting Typo Land Funfair, the closest thing Anglophone Atlantis has to an amusement park."

Picard is a man. The description of Picard is "A bald man in a Star Fleet uniform. He looks confused, just like in that episode where the crew first encounters Q and the ship's letter-removers fritz out inexplicably." Understand "captain" or "jean" or "luc" or "jean-luc" as picard. The scent-description is "tea, Earl Grey, hot".

Sanity-check searching Picard:

say "Come now. Where in that uniform could he possibly be carrying anything, even a wallet?" instead.

Sanity-check attacking Picard:

say "His phasers are probably set on stun, but still, why risk it?" instead.

Every turn when the player can see Picard:

say "[one of]Picard tugs at the bottom hem of his shirt[or]Picard tells us to make it so[or]Picard clears his throat[or]Picard attempts to turn on his communicator, but it doesn't work[or]Picard is giving us a side-long look as though he suspects we're some kind of alien life form[at random]."

The description of the picrate is "It's a reddish-brown powdery substance with high explosive capability. I think we had better treat it with some care." The indefinite article is "some".

Instead of burning the picrate:

say "Even if we had the means, that would be a terrible idea."

The description of Picross is "It appears to be a Japanese puzzle game for hand-held consoles, but since [you] don't have one of those, it won't be much use."

The pict is a man. The description of the pict is "A long-boned man with a fair thatch of hair, [if the pict wears the coarse woolen clothing]dressed in coarse woolen clothing[end if][if the pict wears the coarse woolen clothing and the pict wears the silver chain] and [end if][if the pict wears the silver chain]wearing a silver chain around his neck[end if][if the number of things worn by the Pict is 0]dressed only in a savage self-confidence[end if]. He doesn't look as though he speaks English, somehow."

The scent-description is "barley and cattle".

The Pict wears a silver chain and coarse woolen clothing.

The greeting of the Pict is "'Yah!' says the Pict. Not clear whether this means 'Hello, friend' or 'I plan soon to cleave your skull with my axe,' but he's noticed we're here."

The silver chain is a wearable thing. The description is "The links are large and heavy."

The coarse woolen clothing is a floppy wearable thing. The indefinite article of the coarse woolen clothing is "some". The description is "It's drab grey-brown in col[our] and looks like it probably scratches a lot. Not exactly the thing for a Mediterranean climate, either."

The scent-description is "its sheepy origins".

Report the Pict dropping something:

say "[one of]With a faint air of bewilderment, the Pict tosses aside [the noun][or]The Pict bites the edge of [the noun] and then casts [it-them] aside in disappointment[at random]." instead.

Rule for writing a topic sentence about the Pict when the location contains at least one mentionable person:

say "[The Pict] regards [a random mentionable person] as though sizing up [its-their] strength in battle, unfav[our]ably. "

The pie is edible. The description of the pie is "It's pumpkin pie, smooth and glossy on top, and smelling of spices. The crust looks homemade." Understand "glossy" or "spices" or "spice" or "cinnamon" or "nutmeg" or "clove" or "pumpkin" or "crust" as the pie.

The scent-description of the pie is "cinnamon and nutmeg and clove".

The piece-alternate is a pistol. The printed name of the piece-alternate is "piece". Understand "piece" as the piece-alternate. The description is "A small, heavy handgun, the kind a gangster's girlfriend would turn out to have in her purse. It isn't loaded, though."

Instead of shooting something with the piece-alternate:

say "The trigger clicks harmlessly."

The heft of the pier is 2. The description of the pier is "A weatherworn mass of wood posts and planks, stained by seawater and covered in barnacles. It is only toy-size, possibly thanks to the safety overrides by the letter machinery."

The printed name of the pig-tat-inn is "pig tat inn". Understand "pig" or "tat" or "inn" as the pig-tat-inn. The description of the pig-tat-inn is "Mercifully this manifested itself as a postcard from the supposed inn rather than the inn itself, or we might have been crushed at the moment of generation. The postcard is bad enough, though, as it depicts a bed and breakfast establishment in which every possible surface is dedicated to celebrating members of the Suidae family. There are pig vases and pig lamps, pig figurines and collectible pig plates, stuffed pigs, china pigs, carved pigs, embroidered pigs and tatted pigs, not to mention piggy banks and pig-shaped creamers. There are realistic pigs that might have come from a farm, and cartoon pigs that stand up on two legs and dance. In the background a somber oil painting depicts a miniature potbellied looking up into light bursting from the heavens, as though it were having a religious experience.

WE WELCOME YOU TO PORKERS, says pink cursive script along the bottom of the card.

Someone has applied a drop shadow to the lettering.".

The printed name of the pi-tat-inn is "pi tat inn". Understand "pi tat inn" or "inn" as the pi-tat-inn. The description of the pi-tat-inn is "The resulting postcard represents a hostelry devoted to the concept of pi. The symbol is painted on the walls and carved in three dimensions and stitched on pillows, and the bedspreads are quilted with the digits of pi, lest one forget them in one's sleep.".

The description of the pill is "It is small, round, and blue. There are no brand or generic markings to indicate what it might do." The pill is edible. The heft of the pill is 1.

Instead of tasting or eating the pill:

say "[You] toss the pill into our mouths and swallow it dry.

There is no immediate reaction, but after a few minutes a cramping pain begins to spread through our stomach, and it becomes difficult to breathe. Yellow and blue spots float in front of our eyes. Our skin begins to itch. Dimly I wonder whether these symptoms correspond to any real medical condition or whether the pill is simply poisonous by invention; but [you] [are] not clear-minded enough to go on thinking these sorts of thoughts for long.";

end the game saying "[You] have poisoned ourself"

Test pill with "tutorial off / wave s-remover at spill / take pill / take all / get pill / get a pill / take the pill / take pill" in the outdoor cafe.

After reading a command:

if the player's command matches "take pill" or player's command matches "take the pill":

if the player carries the pill:

replace the player's command with "eat pill";

if the player's command matches "take pills" or player's command matches "take the pills":

if the player carries the pills:

replace the player's command with "eat pills".

Some pills are a plural-named edible thing. The description is "A handful of miscellaneous pills in blue and yellow and green. They look like someone's illicit stash of prescription pain-killers."

Instead of tasting or eating the pills:

say "[You] toss back the whole handful without giving it much thought. The effect doesn't hit for a few minutes, but then it feels like being suddenly extremely drunk. Then like being unconscious.";

end the game saying "[You] have poisoned ourself"

[Understand "take [pill]" as eating when the player carries the pill.]

The pin is wearable. The description of the pin is "It is a yellow pin, the sort worn by people endorsing a political candidate or a science-fiction show. On the pin in big black letters is written 'TOXI WASTE'."

After wearing the pin, say "We put on the pin, despite your misgivings about the fashion statement[if the activist recollects environment-offer] and my serious doubts about the viability of the movement[end if]."

The pineapple-ring is an edible thing. The description of the pineapple-ring is "It's a single golden, juice-dripping ring of pineapple, the kind that typically comes in a can." The scent-description is "sweet fruit". The printed name is "pineapple ring". Understand "pineapple" or "ring" as the pineapple-ring.

The description of some pins is "Straight pins, the kind people use for pinning up alterations."

The description of the pint is "As pints ought to be, this one is a pint of dark beer." The pint is edible and contained and fluid. "Someone has left a full pint of beer on the ground." The scent-description of the pint is "malt and alcohol".

The description of the pints is "Enough beer to load up a barmaid at Octoberfest.". The pints are edible and contained and fluid. The heft of the pints is 6.

The pin-t-shirt is a wearable thing. The description is "It's part shirt, part torture device, made of straight pins all over." The printed name is "pin t-shirt". Understand "pin" or "t-shirt" as the pin-t-shirt.

A dangerous construction rule for the pin-t-shirt:

try examining the pin-t-shirt;

say "The backpacking girl shrieks. 'What the hell! Ouch! Did you do that? What kind of flipping sociopath are you?'

Swearing like a sailor, she collects her pack and flees the room.";

remove the backpacking girl from play;

remove the heavy pack from play;

reset the interlocutor;

rule succeeds.

The pirate is a woman. The description is "A woman pirate, and not the movie variety that is practically a variant of naughty nurse, but a raw-boned, muscular woman who wears pants when they aren't in fashion and has hands covered in callouses." Understand "woman" or "muscular" or "raw-boned" or "hands" or "callouses" as the pirate. The scent-description is "seawater and grog".

The greeting of the pirate is "'Yarr,' says the pirate. Her voice is rough and she doesn't sound entirely sober."

[The pirate can be cowed.]

Instead of showing the spot to the pirate:

[now pirate is cowed;]

say "[one of]Her face pales. 'Yarks,' she says.[or]She seems to have taken the meaning the first time.[stopping]".

[Persuasion rule for asking the pirate to try doing something:

if the pirate is cowed:

persuasion succeeds;


say "She spits largely off to one side. 'That for your instructions!'" instead. ]

Test pirate-spot with "tutorial off / autoupgrade / wave c-remover at pic / wave c-remover at crate / put pi on platform / put rate on platform / set platform to synthesize / turn on platform / pirate, enter platform / show spot to pirate / g / pirate, enter platform / open tub / drop tub / pirate, touch gel" in the Workshop holding the spot and the pic and the crate and the tub.

The pirate-crew is a man. The printed name is "pirate crew". The description is "A fiercer, blacker-browed gang of individuals you couldn't hope to meet. Half of them have scurvy and half are missing at least a finger, and when they talk (strictly among themselves), it's all growls from the corner of the mouth." Understand "pirate" or "pirates" or "crew" as the pirate-crew.

The scent-description of the pirate-crew is "unwashedness".

[The pirate-crew can be cowed.

Persuasion rule for asking the pirate-crew to try doing something:

if the pirate-crew is cowed:

persuasion succeeds;


say "They mumble defiantly." instead.]

Instead of washing the pirate-crew:

say "Heaven knows they need it, but they don't look terribly cooperative."

Instead of showing the spot to the pirate-crew:

remove the pirate-crew from play;

say "To a man, they turn white under their tans. Then they flee.";

record "Lord Michael Rosehip award for showing the black spot to a pirate crew" as an achievement.

Instead of smelling the pirate-crew:

say "They smell like a group that's spent months on a ship, living on a diet of watered rum and tortoise meat. Which is to say, I wish you wouldn't make me breathe so deeply."

Test crew with "tutorial off / autoupgrade / put screws on platform / wave s-remover at screws / test pirate-spot / turn on platform / crew, enter platform / turn on platform / show spot to crew" in the Workshop holding the screws.

The description of the pit is "The hard cen[ter] of a fruit, clean and dry of any flesh.". The scent-description of the pit is "peaches".

Understand "pit" as a pit-hole. A pit-hole is usually open and fixed in place. The description of a pit-hole is "It's a cavity in the surface of [the holder of the item described], too small for our body to fit into."

[Test pit-hole with "put pit on dais / set switch to swap homonym / turn on dais" in the Workshop.

When play begins:

now the player carries a random pit. ]

Some pit-items are a thing. The description of the pit-items is "Assorted stones from different fruits.". The scent-description of the pit is "apricot and cherry". The printed name of the pit-items is "pits". Understand "pits" or "apricot" or "cherry" or "stones" or "stone" or "pit" as the pit-items.

The pita is an edible thing. The description of the pita is "A round, brown pocket-bread." The scent-description of the pita is "baked goods".

The pit-trap is an open enterable container. It is fixed in place. The heft of the pit-trap is 10. The printed name of a pit-trap is "pit trap". Understand "pit trap" or "deep pit" or "pit" or "rocks" or "stones" or "stakes" or "sharpened" or "stake" as a pit-trap. The description of a pit-trap is "It's a deep pit lined with rocks, set into the surface of [the holder of the item described]. Sharpened stakes jut upward from the bottom, ready to stab any large mammal unfortunate enough to fall in."

Instead of entering the pit-trap:

say "Against my better judgment, [you] slip over the edge into the pit trap and are impaled on the spikes below. It will be some considerable time before anyone thinks to check down here.";

end the story saying "What made you think that was a good idea?"

The heft of Pisa is 20. The description of Pisa is "It's manifested mostly as the leaning tower, but that's still quite a bit more than can fit into this environment."

The printed name of the plain-plate is "plate". Understand "plate" as plain-plate.

A plan is a long floppy illegal thing. The description of the plan is "The number of pages in the original roll has been reduced, but this is still obviously a bit of DCL property. The only difference is that this version is incomplete."

The scent-description of the plan is "crisp paper".

The description of the plant is "An aggressively healthy specimen with broad, glossy dark brown leaves and red flowers. I can't identify whether it's a real plant style or something wholly invented for the occasion, but it does resemble a poinsettia rendered by someone who doesn't quite remember what they look like."

The description of the plants is "A whole tray of little herb plants in pots. It's adorable."

The description of the plantage is "An array of bushes, shrubs, and small trees. There's enough here to relandscape my parents['] back terrace, if anyone had the inclination." The heft of the plantage is 8. The plantage is fixed in place.

The description of the plat is "A single map showing the land divisions of this immediate vicinity. The Bureau land abuts the park, of course, and a fair amount of land owned for offices by DCL. No private land is directly next to the Bureau land, presumably to make it more difficult for anyone to dig through or plant listening devices."

The description of the plats is "A roll of zoning commission plans, laying out the subdivision of some land at the outskirts of town. The Bureau is chary about allowing new housing developments because it worries about the limited land available on the island; so it is unsurprising that the housing areas allowed are designed for dense occupancy in the form of apartments."

The description of the plain-plate is "A commemorative plate celebrating the island's independence from England. It shows the Depluralized Marine [--] the single soldier captured after the island's deplural[izing] guns had a chance to work [--] chained unhappily to a wall."

The plea is r-abstract. The plea is noisy. The description of the plea is "A querulous voice is requesting a judge to go leniently on a first off[ense] of using unauthor[ize]d foreign words in public."

The description of the pleat is "A bit of cloth from a schoolgirl's plaid skirt, complete with the stitched-in fold."

Poe is a man. Poe is proper-named. The description is "For a famed author, he looks unhinged. His clothes are shabby, his eyes wild, and he keeps looking around him as though he expects something to jump from the shadows."

The greeting of Poe is "'Fascinating to meet you,' says Poe."

Report involuntarily-dropping Poe:

say "[The noun] scrambles out of our embrace as rapidly as possible, looking extremely Victorian." instead.

Rule for writing a topic sentence about Poe when the location contains at least one mentionable person:

say "[Poe] is looking [a random mentionable person] over and muttering to himself as though trying to find rhymes. "

The poi is an edible thing. The description is "It's a gloopy, purplish paste made of taro root according to Hawaiian traditions. It doesn't look overwhelmingly tasty, but perhaps that's just cultural difference speaking." The scent-description is "root vegetable". The indefinite article is "some".

The poll is r-abstract. The description of the poll is "A dim, grainy image of an early 20th-century referendum in progress, with men in funny hats and women in velvet jackets jerkily walking into the booths to cast their votes."

The printed name of the polling-chart is "polling chart". Understand "polling" or "chart" as the polling-chart. The description of the polling chart is "A chart showing Atlantida's popularity in May of 1982. Different lines represent segments of the population such as DCL Employees, Farmers, School Children, etc."

A poppycock is a noisy r-abstract thing. The indefinite article is "some". The heft of the poppycock is 0. The description is "A great deal of drivel. Or, no: more the concept of drivel, as regarded by a previous age.

Curiously, therefore, the concept manifests itself as a little floaty cloud in which a flustered gent with Victorian [if the player wears the Britishizing goggles]moustaches[otherwise]mustaches[end if], verging on apoplexy."

Instead of listening to the poppycock, say "[one of]'POPPYCOCK!' shouts the little imaginary man[or]'ARRANT NONSENSE,' shouts the angry poppycock-gentleman[or]'STUFF! POPPYCOCK!' The imaginary man is beet red and his mustaches quiver[at random]."

The poppy-oil is a fluid contained edible thing. Understand "poppy" or "oil" as the poppy-oil. The printed name is "poppy oil". The indefinite article is "some". The description is "A bottle of culinary-grade poppy oil, though useless: I can't cook, and we haven't time."

Sanity-check burning the poppy-oil:

say "I think the idea is that you put the oil in a pan and cook with it. But never mind; it wouldn't help us now anyway."

The pose is an r-abstract thing. The heft of the pose is 0. The description of the pose is "At the moment it looks like a tiny man [one of]emulating The Thinker[or]staring importantly into the middle distance while tiny cameras flash[or]waving and smiling, in best Atlantean politico fashion, with a sprig of olive leaves pinned to his vest and a blue 'just voted' smudge on his thumb[or]semaphoring the letter A[or]demonstrating first position in ballet[as decreasingly likely outcomes]."

The poser is a man. The description of the poser is "He wears an improbable hip-hop outfit."

The greeting of the poser is "'Yo yo yo,' says the poser."

The potage is edible. The description of the potage is "It's a thick stewy mass that looks like it's been thickened with mashed potato. Beef broth and chunks of carrot may also play a part. I'm not sure." The scent-description is "boiled vegetables".

Instead of searching the potage:

say "Is that a [one of]chunk[or]slice[or]sliver[at random] of [one of]carrot[or]leek[or]onion[or]turnip[or]yam[or]potato[or]Jerusalem artichoke[cycling]? No, it's sunk again."

The description of a pot is "It's a single ordinary cooking pot." The heft of a pot is 2.

Some plural-pots are an open container. The description of the plural-pots is "They're a selection of heavy, high-quality stainless steel cooking pots, like the ones my mother has at home." The heft of the plural-pots is 3. The printed name of the plural-pots is "pots". Understand "pots" as the plural-pots.

The printed name of an alterna-pot is "pot". Understand "pot" or "marijuana" or "mary jane" or "mj" or "weed" or "dope" or "drugs" as the alterna-pot. The description of the alterna-pot is "An ounce or so of weed. I'm afraid I can't judge the quality of the product." The indefinite article of alterna-pot is "some".

The description of the potass is "Potassium, appearing under its older pharmaceutical abbreviation. It's a dull silverish metal whose surface rapidly oxidizes in the atmosphere. Beware dropping it in water." The indefinite article is "some".