Counterfeit Monkey — 239 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 14 - Q through R

The description of the quid is "A British pound coin, with the head of the Queen and everything. This one is [one of]the version with the Welsh inscription round the rim[or]the Scottish thistly variety[or]the one with the lion and unicorn on the reverse[at random]."

The description of Ra is "Tall and terrifying. These animate abstracts are often hard to look at straight on. His whole self shines with sunlight, and yet he is as sinister and constricting as the dark of a collapsed tomb."

The greeting of a Ra is "Ra beams upon us."

Sanity-check putting something which is not wearable on the rack:

if the noun is the gel or the noun is the tub:

make no decision;


say "[The rack] is for clothes; the pegs aren't really designed to hold anything else." instead.

Test rackbug with "tutorial off / put ruck in bucket / get rack / put gel on rack" holding the ruck and the tub in the Generator Room.

The rack is a supporter. It is not fixed in place. Understand "pegs" or "peg" as the rack. The description of the rack is "It's a wooden support with a few pegs for hanging up coats or jackets."

The rad worm is an animal. The description of the rad worm is "It's an earthworm, but with bands of psychedelic col[our]."

The rale is r-abstract and noisy. The description of the rale is "It is the noise of breathing impeded by fluid in the lungs. It sounds as though someone is dying [if the location is indoors]in[otherwise]out[end if] here.".

The heft of a ram is 7. The description of a ram is "I can tell it's a ram because of those characteristic curly horns, and the mean look it has in its eye. Otherwise it's your basic sheep."

Some plural-rams are an animal. The printed name of the plural-rams is "rams". The description is "A whole flock of rams, bleating and fleece-covered. They're really a bit frightening in this profusion."

The description of a ramcat is "[description of a tomcat]". Instead of touching or rubbing or squeezing a ramcat:

say "It [one of]dodges out of reach[or]swipes at us, claws out[or]hisses[at random]."

The rampage is an r-abstract thing. It is noisy. The description of the rampage is "It doesn't look like much other than a ball of black angry energy."

Instead of listening to the rampage:

say "The rampage [one of]sounds like death metal and crashing cars[or]blares on[or]is screeching in the tones of tearing metal[at random]."

The heft of the rampart is 12. The description of the rampart is "A mass of earthwork and stone."

A rap is usually noisy. A rap is usually r-abstract. The description of the rap is "A pulsating ball of angry air."

[Originally the rap riffed on the lyrics of the handful of songs I know at all well. The results were so painfully square that Sam Ashwell responded by schooling me with a 38K email entitled 'A Very White Person Summarises Hip-Hop Themes'.

The results do not live up to his efforts, but you should know that he really really tried and, hey, the Sir Mixalot joke is gone.]

Instead of listening to the rap:

say "[if the rap is the prior named noun]It[otherwise]The rap[end if] ";

if the player wears the Britishizing Goggles:

say "[one of]devolves into a chap-hop diss on another man's tweed[or]sings the praises of one Professor Elemental[or]informs the listener that it doesn't like his tweed[or]asks the listener to fetch its trousers at once[at random]";


let N be a random number between 1 and 3;

if N is:

-- 1: say "describes the pleasures of [one of]a swimming pool full of Cristal[or]driving a Chevy Impala down the coast road to Maiana[or]stealing a depluralizing tank for a joyride[at random].";

-- 2: say "details the singer's dislike of [one of]gold-diggers[or]suspicious Bureau men who only give trouble to guys with accents[at random].";

-- 3: say "includes the phrase '[one of]colder than a rifle shot, restoration to the real[or]my words hit like an anagram bullet[at random]'.";

The description of the rape is "The bright yellow flower of a plant grown for its oil [--] typically called canola oil in the US." The heft of the rape is 1.

The introduction of the rape is "It's undoubtedly not the most obvious referent for the word, but there are certain concepts that people tend to recoil from, making them harder to generate. And just as well, really."

A rape-alternate is a thing. The printed name of the rape-alternate is "rape". Understand "rape" or "pope" or "rape of the lock" as the rape-alternate. The description is "It's a printed passage from Pope's The Rape of the Lock, complete with Beardsley illustrations."

The description of the rash is "A patch of skin [--] it looks like human skin at that [--] and all red and itchy." The heft of the rash is 1.

The description of a rat is "It looks cunning and not entirely friendly." The heft of a rat is 2.

The rate is r-abstract. The description of the rate is "A fluctuating, fizzing number with a dozen decimal points or more, never the same two times [you] look."

The rattle is a noisy thing. The description of the rattle is "Meant as a toy for a baby, it has a clear molded body full of clacking beads, each one of which is stamped with a letter of the alphabet." Understand "clacking beads" as the rattle.

Instead of listening to the rattle:

say "The rattle shakes vig[our]ously."

The description of the ravens chili is "It's a can of chili [--] raven meat chili, to be specific. Three black birds glare balefully out of the label." The ravens chili is edible. The indefinite article is "some".

The introduction of the ravens chili is "I hope it is heavily spiced, because I can't imagine that the taste of carnivorous birds is otherwise a very pleasant one."

Instead of showing the ravens chili to Poe:

record "Mort Shaply award for showing Poe a raven-based foodstuff" as an achievement;

say "He looks at the label, holds a hand to his gut, and murmurs, 'Nevermore.'"

The description of the raven chili is "To distinguish it from the ravens chili, this is an artisanal, single-raven-source varietal. Organic, tower-raised raven only." The raven chili is edible. The indefinite article is "some".

Every turn when the Pict is carrying something (called freight):

try the Pict dropping the freight.

Instead of showing the raven chili to Poe:

record "Mort Shaply award for showing Poe a raven-based foodstuff" as an achievement;

say "He groans and starts searching about for his bust of Pallas."

Sanity-check writing the topic understood on the single ream:

say "Writing on the paper by hand would ruin it for the printer." instead.

The description of the single ream is "One ream, which is to say 500 sheets, of generic printer or copier paper[if the single ream is proffered by the cream]. The sheets are an attractive milky col[our][otherwise], in white-white[end if]." The printed name of the single ream is "ream". Understand "paper" or "pages" or "printer paper" or "copier paper" as the single ream.

The description of the reams is "Since each ream is 500 sheets of paper, and there are many reams here, the collection is unhelpfully bulky."

The description of the red frozen inn is "A representative postcard shows a red-painted inn in the middle of a Vermont winter. It looks viciously cold. We should count ourselves lucky that the whole inn didn't manifest itself here and squash us."

The reflective widow is a noisy woman. The description of the reflective widow is "A tall woman with a widow's peak and a distant look in her eyes." Understand "widow's peak" or "distant look" as the reflective widow. The initial appearance is "[A reflective widow] [one of]perches[or]paces[at random] nearby, [one of]wringing her hands[or]sniffling faintly[or]dabbing her eyes[at random].".

Instead of listening to the reflective widow:

if a random chance of 1 in 3 succeeds:

if the reflective widow can see the mourning dress:

say "[The reflective widow] admires [the mourning dress] wistfully.";

if the reflective widow can see the morning dress:

say "[The reflective widow] is moved to thoughts of her late husband by the sight of [the morning dress], just the sort of thing he used to wear.";


say "[The reflective widow] murmurs to herself about her late husband's [one of]noble character[or]fortitude[or]forebearance[or]kindness[or]good dress sense[or]preference for scented pomades[or]distrust of foreign-made letter removers[or]implausible sweet tooth[or]socks that always needed darning[or]tendency to leave cigar ash everywhere[as decreasingly likely outcomes]."

Test reflective-widow with "tutorial off / n / autoupgrade / wave n-remover at reflective window / look / x widow / listen to widow / z / z".

The description of the reel is "A reel of film, unlabeled." Understand "film" or "reel of film" as the reel.

The printed name of the fishing-reel is "reel". Understand "reel" or "fishing" as the fishing-reel. The description of the fishing-reel is "The sort of reel used on a fishing rod, the kind with a handle you can crank to pull in the line. But as there is neither line nor rod available, it doesn't actually offer much functionality like this."

Instead of turning the fishing-reel:

say "[You] crank the reel a few times, but as it's not attached to a line, nothing very interesting results."

A rig is a device. The heft of the rig is 10. "A rig is set up here[if the rig is lit], lighting the vicinity[end if]." The description of the rig is "A whole collection of lighting units on poles and stands."

Carry out switching on the rig:

now the rig is lit.

Carry out switching off the rig:

now the rig is unlit.

Report involuntarily-dropping the rig:

say "The rig is too heavy to carry, and [you] almost drop it, but I manage to set the poles down mostly stably and, for a wonder, without breaking anything." instead.

The description of the rill is "A very tiny stream, little more than a trickle."

The alterna-ring is an r-abstract noisy thing. The heft of the alterna-ring is 0. The printed name is "ring". Understand "ring" as the alterna-ring. The description of the alterna-ring is "It sounds like the ringing of an old-fashioned telephone, piercing and abrupt."

Instead of listening to the alterna-ring:

say "[one of]The sound of a phone ringing fills the air[or]The ring continues to sound[at random]."

The ringband is a wearable thing. The description is "A band of gold with six prongs for the setting of a solitaire gem, but the gem itself is missing." Understand "gold" or "band" as the ringband.

Sanity-check inserting the gem into the ringband:

say "I think it requires a jeweler's tools and training to accomplish that." instead.

Test ringmaking with "set gem / put gem in ringband" holding the ringband and the gem.

The ripening-apple is an edible thing. Understand "ripening" and "apple" or "stem" as the ripening-apple. The printed name is "ripening apple". The scent-description is "tart fruit". The description is "Like any other apple, except this one has a bit more stem attached (as though still theoretically connected with the tree); and it's very green and crisp, with just the first blush of rosiness appearing on the sides."

The rite is an r-abstract thing. The heft of the rite is 0. The description of the rite is "Flickering images depict [one of]candles and incense carried by those processing around the New Church on a holy day[or]a woman kneeling before a small rustic shrine and placing the figure of a metal god on it[or]a man drawing the letter A on his son's forehead with a grease pencil[or]a bonfire at the beach, over which a pig is being roasted. The pig's ears, hoofs, and entrails have been set to one side[at random]."

Test rite with "tutorial off / autoupgrade / wave p-remover at pear / put ear in t-inserter / get tear / gonear first aid station / put tear in bucket / get tier / load gun / shoot tier / x rite" holding the pear and the tub and the anagramming gun and the anagram bullets in the Sensitive Equipment Room.

[Originally the rock was described as "hefty and jagged, like the result of a volcanic event". Then I went to Kilauea on vacation and picked up some volcanic rocks, and they were the lightest rocks I've ever lifted. So that had to go. I decided that Brock's supportive personality, rather than his unpredictability, was the thing I wanted to express in the rock description. lists basalt as a fairly dense rock, denser than limestone, marble, or granite; other weighty options included peridotite, gabbro, and diorite, but I figured those would be less familiar to the player.]

The description of the rock is "Heavy, dark, and roughly hexagonal, like a slice of basalt column.". The rock is essential.

The scent-description is "mud".

Before putting the restoration gel on the rock when the rock is in a container (called the holder):

say "(first removing the rock so Brock isn't squished by [the holder])[command clarification break]";

try taking the rock;

if the player does not carry the rock:

stop the action.

Test rock-bug with "put rock in t-inserter / open tub / gel rock" holding the rock and the tub in the Sensitive Equipment Testing Room.

The roc is a rideable animal. "The roc towers over us, looking smarter than a bird has the right to look." The description of the roc is "The bird is enormous[if the location is indoors], so big it seems incredible that it can even fit into the room[end if]. Brock is a tall man, but not nearly this tall. Its eyes are bright and (if [you] [are] not reading too much in) ironically clever; its plumage a little like an eagle's, if an eagle were made many times larger and feathered in a kind of sleek, luminous black."

[Every turn when the roc is in the Sunning Deck and the Sunning Deck is the location:

say "[one of][The roc]'s claws dig into the cushions of the sunning deck as the yacht pitches[or][roc-igloo][or][The roc] stretches its wings out so that they reach the whole width of the yacht[or]I catch [the roc] looking at us[at random].".]

[To say roc-igloo:

say "[one of][The roc] takes an interest in the white igloo-shaped thing that handles the yacht wifi[or]A tap of beak on plastic tells you [the roc] is checking out the wifi further[if Slango can see the roc][queue Slango-irritation as postponed optional][end if][or][The roc] turns its head experimentally and tries to fit the whole wifi antenna into its beak[stopping]".]

Instead of waving the letter-remover at the rock creating the roc when the location is indoors:

say "[You][']d probably best wait until [you] [are] outside; I don't know what the consequence would be of generating a massive legendary bird of prey inside a small office building."

Instead of waving the letter-remover at the rock creating the roc when the location is the Open Sea:

say "A bird that size would sink a little tiny boat like this one."

Rule for writing a paragraph about Slango when the roc is mentionable:

say "[Slango] has come out, though he's standing well back from [the roc], which is surveying the scene speculatively.[paragraph break]"

Roc-flight is a scene. Roc-flight begins when the player can see the roc. Roc-flight ends when the player is enclosed by the roc.

Sanity-check mounting the roc:

if the player can see a heavy handled thing (called the encumbrance) which is not the roc:

say "[You][']ll want to bring [the encumbrance], but in [its-their] current state, [it-they] [is-are] much too heavy." instead.

Before mounting the roc:

repeat with item running through things in the location:

if the item is handled:

try the player taking the item.

[repeat with item running through visible handled things which are not enclosed by the player:

try the player taking the item;

repeat with item running through visible handled things which are not enclosed by the player:

try the roc taking the item.]

Every turn during roc-flight:

if the roc is in the location and a random chance of 1 in 2 succeeds:

say "[one of]The roc looks sharply at [the random visible thing][or]I am starting to find it unnerving how the roc looks at us[or]Are you sure that rocs don't eat people? It's giving us quite an intent stare[or]The roc paces up and down[or]The roc spreads its wings, then folds them again. It could really double as a pavilion if it would stay still in that position[or]The roc throws its head back and screams horribly for no obvious reason[or]The roc dips its beak in the water, then spits violently[at random]."

When roc-flight ends:

say "It stares at us for a moment, and you climb carefully onto its back, putting our arms around its neck. A dozen drawbacks occur at the last minute. What if there isn't enough room for the takeoff? What if it needs to run [--] like a plane [--] before it can get airborne?";

try the roc going down.

After roc going down from Precarious Perch:

try the roc going north;

follow the compass-drawing rule.

Report the roc going north from Precarious Perch:

say "The roc strains its neck forward, spreads its wings and steps off the cliff. Its flaps are slow and [you] [are] losing altitude [--] so fast that at first I think [you][']ll fall into the ocean [--] but it takes only five or six flaps before the bird is able to glide straight out to sea." instead.

Report the roc going north from Abandoned Shore:

say "The roc rather awkwardly climbs to the highest spot of rock it can easily reach. Then it strains its neck forward, spreads its wings and steps off the cliff. Its flaps are slow and [you] are losing altitude [--] so fast that at first I think [you][']ll fall into the ocean [--] but it takes only five or six flaps before the bird is able to glide straight out to sea." instead.

[The roc flies more or less the way condors fly, as documented by youtube. I'm not sure how far a bird of the roc's mass would need to descend before starting to glide, and almost certainly I haven't given it enough clearance, but text is at least more forgiving than an animation would be.]

Roc-soaring is a scene. Roc-soaring begins when roc-flight ends. Roc-soaring ends when the time since roc-soaring began is 2 minutes.

Sanity-check doing something other than examining or looking during roc-soaring:

say "I don't know about you, but I don't dare do anything but hang on." instead.

Sanity-check going somewhere during roc-soaring:

say "I think [you] pretty much have to go where the roc wants to go." instead.

Instead of looking during roc-soaring:

say "The ocean is many feet below; a fall might not kill us, but it would certainly hurt. The sun has nearly set, and the sky is a soft blue, tempered by the evening haze.

If [you] crane as far as [you] safely can over our left shoulder, [you] can see the coastline near my house, and the old city walls, and the last trails of sunlight on the water."

When roc-soaring ends:

say "I keep thinking [you] [are] going to lose our grip, but somehow [you] manage to stay on. Sooner than I expect, [you] make out the shine of Slango's yacht, and in the next moment [you] [are] above it. The roc circles once or twice before coming to land on the Sunning Deck.";

change the initial appearance of Slango to "Slango is out, having seen us landing. He looks nervy.";

move the roc to the Sunning Deck;

set the current interlocutor to Slango;

[queue altern-where-is-Brock as immediate obligatory;]

move the player to the Sunning Deck;

follow the compass-drawing rule instead.

[The printed name of a fake-rock is "rock". Understand "rock" as a fake-rock. The description of the fake-rock is "It looks like a sedimentary stone."

The printed name of a plural-rock is "rocks". A plural-rock is plural-named. Understand "rocks" as a plural-rock. The description of the plural-rock is "A heap of fist-sized rocks suitable for cobbling a path."]

The rock-band is a person. The printed name of the rock-band is "rock band". Understand "rock" or "band" as the rock-band. The heft of the rock-band is 10. The description of the rock-band is "The band consists of a hot drummer, two long-haired guitarists, and a male vocalist with flame tattoos on his arms."

The greeting of a rock-band is "[one of]The drummer waves, one of the guitarists gives us the finger, and the male vocalist offers to sign his name on the breast of our choice. 'Left, right, or I can do across both.'

We decline[or]The band offers another motley greeting[stopping]."

The rock-ballad is a noisy r-abstract thing. The printed name of the rock-ballad is "rock ballad". Understand "rock" or "ballad" or "song" as the rock-ballad. The description is "The rock ballad is a throbbing ball of guitar-filled air."

Instead of listening to the rock-ballad:

say "Wailing guitars rend the air."

The description of the rodeo beaker is "A piece of scientific glassware with the usual measurement markings on the side, but also painted with the image of a bucking bronco."

The rollback-ad is privately-named. The printed name is "rollback ad". Understand "rollback" or "rollback-ad" or "rollback ad" as the rollback-ad. Understand "ad" as the rollback-ad when the ad is not visible. The description of the rollback-ad is "It's a two-page glossy magazine spread announcing that the Bureau of Orthography has ordered a rollback on the distribution of [Britishizing goggles], and therefore all current owners are 'advised and required' to exchange their purchase for a cash refund."

The description of the rood is "A substantial crucifix carved entirely of wood."

Ross is a man. The description of Ross is "He's red-headed and he looks oblivious to social cues. Someone you used to know, then, I take it?"

The description of the rotas inscription is

"It reads: [paragraph break][fixed letter spacing] P[line break] A[line break] T[line break] A E O[line break] R[line break]PATERNOSTER[line break] O[line break] O S A[line break] T[line break] E[line break] R[variable letter spacing]". The rotas inscription is fixed in place.

Rule for printing the name of the rotas inscription when not shooting:

say "Roman inscription".

Understand "roman" or "letters" or "lettering" as the rotas inscription.

The initial appearance of the rotas inscription is "On the opposite wall is a cross of inscribed letters, this time Roman."

Some rucks and the ruck are r-abstract. The description of the ruck is "A fine fold in nothingness." The description of the rucks is "A row of creases in a piece of gossamer cloth."

The rump stabber is a man. The description is "He is of less than average height and carries a butterfly knife."

Every turn when the rump stabber is in the location:

if a random chance of 1 in 3 succeeds:

say "The rump stabber gets into a good position and then, before we can turn around, stabs us in the behind.";

end the story saying "Ouch.";


say "The rump stabber keeps trying to angle around and stand behind us."

The rum stabber is a woman. The description is "She looks around in bewilderment, but there's no rum for her to attack."

Test rumper with "tutorial off / autoupgrade / open tub / load gun / shoot rubber stamp with gun / wave p-remover at rump stabber / gel rum stabber / shoot stamp / z / z / z" holding the anagramming gun and the tub and the bullets and the rubber stamp.

A rusty-nail-drink is a contained fluid edible thing. The printed name of a rusty-nail-drink is "Rusty Nail". Understand "rusty nail" or "rusty" or "nail" or "cocktail" or "drink" or "beverage" as a rusty-nail-drink. The description of a rusty-nail-drink is "A scotch-based beverage with Drambuie. It's tolerable, but not a fav[our]ite."

Instead of burning the rusty-nail-drink:

say "It's not quite pure enough alcohol to catch a flame, even if [you] had a good reason."