Counterfeit Monkey — 240 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 15 - S

The heft of the sag is 1. The description of the sag is "The sag comes in the form of a doll-sized house with a distinct dip in the roof." Understand "house" or "doll-sized" or "dip" or "roof" as the sag.

The heft of the sagas is 0. The sagas are r-abstract. The description of the sagas is "Pages and pages of stories about the role of Atlantis during the battles between Spain and the Moors. There is a great deal of religious ferv[our] and emphatic feeling, but on the whole it sounds like a wretched, bloody time was had by all."

The description of the salt is "A quantity of fluffy, slightly blue sea-salt, such as is sometimes collected from the rocks down by shore." The salt is edible. The indefinite article is "some".

The description of the saltcat is "It's a mixture of salt, lime, and meal, used to catch pigeons." The indefinite article of the saltcat is "some".

The description of a sap is "A slack-faced fellow, eager to believe what he's told. The grin he's giving us right now is usually found only on golden retrievers."

The sap-dispenser is a closed transparent container. The printed name is "sap dispenser". Understand "sap dispenser" or "dispenser" as the sap-dispenser. It is scenery. The initial appearance of the sap-dispenser is "A sap dispenser hangs beside the mirror." The description of the sap-dispenser is "It's the kind where a squeeze will dispense sap into the sink[if the sap-liquid is not in the sap-dispenser]. It is also empty[end if]."

A sap-liquid is a fluid thing. The indefinite article is "some". The scent-description is "pine resin". The printed name is "sap". Understand "sap" as the sap-liquid. The description is "Sticky and yellow-col[our]ed goo from a tree, rather than 'sap' as in a person. But considering it comes from a sap dispenser, that was probably inevitable."

Sanity-check touching the sap-liquid:

say "It would be sticky and be hard to get off." instead.

Sanity-check burning the sap-liquid:

say "I think some resins might burn when dry, but I'm not sure that applies here, and in any case it wouldn't help." instead.

Instead of squeezing the sap-dispenser:

if sap-liquid is in the sap-dispenser:

let target be a random sink in the location;

say "[You] give the dispenser a squeeze and it deposits some sap in the sink [--] just viscous enough not to drain away instantly.";

move the sap-liquid to the target;


say "This time nothing much comes out."

The satin-pin is wearable. The printed name of the satin-pin is "satin pin". Understand "satin" or "satin pin" as the satin-pin. Understand "pin" as the satin-pin when the pin is not visible. The description of the satin-pin is "It's a little brooch, probably not very valuable, bearing a blue and white satin rosette. The edges of the rosette have yellowed with age, and there is a blob of glue at the center that must once have held some additional decoration."

The satin-pint is a floppy container. The printed name of the satin-pint is "satin pint". Understand "satin" or "satin pint" as the satin-pint. Understand "pint" as the satin-pint when the pint is not visible. The description of the satin-pint is "It is a quilted satin version of a beer stein, though of course it would not be able to hold liquid at all reliably."

The saint-pint is a container. The printed name of the saint-pint is "saint pint". Understand "saint" or "saint pint" as the saint-pint. Understand "pint" as the saint-pint when the pint is not visible. The description of the saint-pint is "On the side of the pint glass is an image of [one of]Saint Arnold of Soissons, the patron saint of hop-pickers[or]Saint Brigit, who is said to have miraculously transformed her bathwater into beer[or]Saint Arnold of Metz, who cured his neighb[our]s of a plague by feeding them only beer[or]Saint Cuthbert, who lived exclusively on barley and is admired by maltsters[sticky random]."

The Scot is a man. The description is "The full stereotype: bagpipes, kilt, sporran. If you look at him too long, he says, 'Och.'" Understand "bagpipes" or "kilt" or "sporran" or "man" as the Scot.

The greeting of the Scot is "'Och,' he says. A tic."

The scree is a diggable thing. The heft of the scree is 9. The description of the scree is "The scree is a sloping pile of small and mid-sized stones, most of them roughly broken off. They look like the result of a rockfall rather than of, say, long erosion by water." The indefinite article of the scree is "some". Understand "stones" or "stone" or "rubble" as the scree.

Instead of climbing the scree:

say "As soon as [you] get a step or two up the pile, [you] slide back down again."

A screwdriver-drink is a contained fluid edible thing. The printed name of a screwdriver-drink is "Screwdriver". Understand "screwdriver" or "cocktail" or "drink" or "beverage" as a screwdriver-drink. The description of a screwdriver-drink is "A cocktail of fresh-squeezed orange juice and vodka. It is hardly the grandest of cocktails, but it will do."

The scent-description is "citrus and the faintest hint of alcohol".

Instead of burning the screwdriver-drink:

say "It's largely orange juice. It's not going to burn, and if it did, it would smell like Florida on fire."

The sed is r-abstract. The description of the sed is "A gibbering nonsense of streaming letters, slashes, and dots, which I am not able to interpret. Like perl, but older."

The setter automaton is a push-button device. The heft of the setter automaton is 3. The description of the setter automaton is "It's a little like one of those Japanese robot dogs, only substantially more old-fashioned and artisanal. Its bright glass eyes watch us expectantly and its ruddy fur is thick and lustrous.".

Instead of switching on the setter automaton:

say "The setter automaton runs in a circle and barks several times, then sits expectantly and shuts off again."

The sere automaton is a push-button device. The heft of the sere automaton is 3. The description of the sere automaton is "The automaton is now reminiscent of a patrician Roman dried by long life and stoic practices. Its nose is narrow and aquiline, its lips thin, its eyelids heavy. Its only joy is self-denial.".

Instead of switching on the sere automaton:

say "The lips of the face draw up into the faintest sneer. Nothing else occurs. After a moment the face relaxes again."

[A shit is a thing. The shit is crude.]

The sharp limit is an r-abstract thing. The heft is 0. The description of the sharp limit is "It displays a graph that drops off sharply when X reaches [a random number between 10 and 100] [one of]thousand[or]million[or]billion[or][at random]."

The shopping gab is an r-abstract noisy thing. The heft is 0. The description of the shopping gab is "Borrowed from some shopping channel, a perky announcer voice offers discounts on various Atlantean products."

Instead of listening to the shopping gab:

say "The announcer currently wants us to know about [one of]cubic zirconia earrings in the shape of a squid plant[or]a juicer for making chard smoothies in your very own kitchen[or]the price of a pair of new hand towels[at random]."

The description of the shred is "Just a torn rag-end of cloth. It is white and blue, and bears every evidence of having been part of an obligatory-service uniform." The shred is floppy and wearable. The heft of the shred is 1.

Report wearing the shred:

say "[You] try out the shred as [one of]an armband[or]a necktie[or]a hair-wrap[at random]. It can't be very attractive." instead.

Some shrimp cocktail is an edible thing. The scent-description is "tomato and seafood". The description is "A floridly red concoction of tiny shrimps in sauce[one of]. I've always considered it vulgar[or][stopping]."

Sanity-check tasting the shrimp cocktail:

say "Honestly, I find that stuff vile, so please let's not." instead.

Instead of searching the shrimp cocktail:

say "A few finger-prods through the red sauce verify that there are only more shrimps within."

Test alterna-shuttle with "tutorial off / plug in dais / e / put pastis in bucket / w / put shuttle on dais / pull lever / turn switch / pull lever / get in shuttle / drive e" holding the power cord and the pastis and the shuttle in the Workshop.

The alterna-shuttle is a car. The printed name of the alterna-shuttle is "shuttle". Understand "shuttle" as the alterna-shuttle. The heft of the alterna-shuttle is 6. The description of the alterna-shuttle is "It is predictably painted blue, but it's just a little patrol shuttle, not one of the big vans for carting away arrested citizens."

The description of the shuttlecock is "A curious object used in badminton: it's a plastic projectile shaped like a ball into one half of which a circle of feathers has been stuck. This makes it fly less quickly and more visibly."

A sick is a fluid thing. The indefinite article is "some". The scent-description is "stomach acid". The description is "It looks like half-digested pepperoni pizza, plus miscellaneous juices."

The description of the sickest offal is "There's a pile of semi-recognizable animal bits, of which I think I might recognize a dried sheep's head. Back in my grandparents['] day Atlantis was quite a lot poorer and these kinds of foods were considered acceptable [--] even a delicacy [--] but you won't catch them in the markets these days." The indefinite article of the sickest offal is "the".

The scent-description of the sickest offal is "warm blood".

Understand "sheep" or "head" or "dried" or "sheep's" or "ram" or "bull" or "goat" or "testicle" or "foot" or "lung" or "giblet" or "appendix" or "gall" or "bladder" as the sickest offal.

Instead of searching the sickest offal:

say "I'm not sure, but I think that thing there might be a [one of]bull[or]goat[or]ram[at random] [one of]testicle[or]lung[or]foot[or]ear[or]giblet[or]appendix[or]gall bladder[at random].

Then again possibly not."

The description of a sig is "It reads: [fixed letter spacing][line break][line break]-- [line break][if the item described is proffered by the garish sign]GREED IS GOOD. -- Gordon Gekko[otherwise if the item described is proffered by the carton-sign]Education is its own end[otherwise if the item described is proffered by the last-sign]The contents of the foregoing post may not be reproduced in any medium without the permission of the sender[otherwise]Decisions are made by those who show up.[line break] -- President Bartlet, by way of Harry S. Truman and/or Woody Allen. Or maybe Abe Lincoln.[end if].". A sig is r-abstract.

[carton-sign, garish sign, last-sign, otherwise]

The last-sign is a sign. The printed name is "sign". Understand "sign" as the last-sign. The description is "It reads: 'Reminder: the six-monthly security remodel is set for this coming Tuesday. Please be prepared to cooperate with the floorers as they install our new coprolite tiles, and leave no secure documents visible.'"

Instead of searching the last-sign:

say "There is no point searching for a hidden meaning; the overt meaning is peculiar enough."

The signet is a wearable thing. The heft of the signet is 1. The description of the signet is "[signet-desc]." The signet has a number called the iteration.

To say signet-desc:

if the iteration of the signet is:

-- 0: say "It's an outsized signet bearing the crest of the Bureau of Orthography, now hanging around the statue's neck in the same way that the sign did a moment ago";

-- 1: say "It's an outsized signet again, but there's no Bureau crest. This time it carries the symbol of the University of Atlantis. There are a lot of students in this crowd, and maybe the All-Purpose Officer's not able to exert much local field influence on the transformation with so many others around";

-- 2: say "This time the signet depicts [--] well, I can't imagine this is a common heraldic device, but I think I'd call it a Squid Rampant. The crowd has taken control of the imagery";

-- otherwise: say "The Squid Rampant is back".

The description of the sill is "It is a bit useless and disembodied without an accompanying window, but here it is: a board of white painted wood." The sill is long. Understand "board" as the sill when the board is not visible and the location is not the Rotunda. [bulletin board crossover]

The sillage is an r-abstract thing. The indefinite article is "some". The description is "There's nothing to see or hear, just an extremely powerful od[our] of someone else's perfume.". The scent-description is "jasmine".

A sin is r-abstract. The heft of a sin is 0. The description of a sin is "An abstract representation of [if the item described is proffered by the garish sign]greed: a nice classic sin represented in this case by the image of men counting money, wall street executives in private jets, pretty women marrying men three times their age, and an assortment of similar typical concepts[otherwise if the item described is proffered by the carton-sign]adherence to the abstract and the ineffectual, characterized by a woman in academic robes reading in the midst of a disaster zone, where bodies are scattered everywhere[otherwise if the item described is proffered by the last-sign]pettiness of spirit and obsession with needless detail, embodied by the image of a grey-skinned bureaucrat and a huge heap of papers[otherwise if the item described is proffered by a sink]carelessness with resources, represented by the wasteful use of a great deal of clean water[otherwise]willfully clueless meddling. Not a sin known to Dante, perhaps; but modern democracies have their own forms of wrong-doing[end if]."

The scent-description of a sin is "[if the player wears the Britishizing goggles]sulphur[otherwise]sulfur[end if]".

Instead of listening to a sin:

if the item described is proffered by the garish sign:

say "There is the faintest chink like the stacking of coins.";


say "A gabble of voices, commenting and petitioning and commenting again.".

Sanity-check washing a sin:

say "This is all endearingly metaphysical, but [you] can't." instead.

Sanity-check entering a sin:

say "Entering a state of sin, do you mean? I have the impression you have that covered." instead.

The description of the slack towel is "Not easy to tell from any other towel, though an argument could be made that it's especially limp and lacking in pile."

A dangerous construction rule for the slack towel:

say "Unfortunately, having the towel swapped in for an electrical component starts a small fire, which soon sets off the alarms in the area.";

end the game saying "That could have gone quite a lot better".

The slat is a long thing. The description of the slat is "A board of white wood, probably extracted from a fence somewhere."

Test snapping with "show snap to bartender / show ring to bartender / listen" holding the snap and the ring in the Drinks Club.

The alterna-snap is an r-abstract noisy thing. The heft of the alterna-snap is 0. The printed name is "snap". Understand "snap" as the alterna-snap. The description of the alterna-snap is "It sounds like a whole chorus of guys in hair gel, snapping for all they're worth."

Instead of listening to the alterna-snap:

say "[one of]The snap makes an, er, snapping noise.[or]Snap! goes the snap.[or]The snapping continues.[stopping]".

The description of the snap is "A metal fastener for clothing, both halves. It looks ready to be sewn in."

The sock is a wearable thing. The description of the sock is "A single unpaired sock. It is sized for a girl's foot and striped in alternating bands of black, white, and pale blue."

A sod is a naughty-sounding thing. The heft of the sod is 4. The indefinite article is "some". The description is "A rectangular piece of dirt with fresh grass growing in it, ready to be laid down in someone's lawn."

The description of the sop is "A hunk of bread dipped in something red-brown.". The sop is edible. The heft of the sop is 1. The scent-description is "stale wine".

The description of a son is "He's the ideal image of Atlantean boyhood. Missing front tooth, tan from days in the sunshine, a spelling commendation patch sewn into his shirt." Understand "missing" or "front tooth" or "tooth" or "atlantean" or "boyhood" as the son.

The sord is a bird. The heft of the sord is 10. The description of the sord is "A whole flight of mallards; only not in flight at the moment. They're currently quacking and pecking the ground."

The sot is a man. The description is "He's wearing a stained wife-beater shirt and looks like he hasn't been sober since 1982. Note the four-day beard." Understand "wife-beater" or "shirt" or "beard" or "four-day" as the sot.

The greeting of the sot is "The sot looks at us blearily but does not attempt speech."

The spa is fixed in place. The heft of the spa is 12. The description of the spa is "It's building given over to Atlantean care treatments: the conversion of warts, manicures and pedicures in clever col[our]s, the reshaping of hairdos."

The spat is r-abstract. The spat is noisy. The description of the spat is "It sounds like an argument, vehemently in progress, about [one of]whether the couple has missed the last bus down-island[or]which café serves the best Coffee Atlantic[or]whether it's wise leaving the bedroom window open while sleeping[or]whether to take the new DCL job though it involves a lot of travel[at random]."

The description of the splat is "An artful, bright white splat. Fortunately it looks more like paint than like bird droppings. At least, so I choose to interpret it."

The spillage is a fluid. The indefinite article of the spillage is "some". The description of the spillage is "It looks a lot like the spill, only possibly more toxic." The scent-description is "nauseating chemicals".

Instead of burning the spillage:

say "Whatever this is, spreading a toxic haze of it over the environment would be a terrible idea."

The spit is a long thing. The heft of the spit is 2. The description of the spit is "It's a long metal bar, the sort you might use to skewer a piece of meat for cooking over a fire."

The heft of the spot is 1. The description of the spot is "A small scrap of paper with a black spot on it[one of]. It has no obvious uses, other than perhaps to deliver sinister warnings to one's pirate acquaintances[or][stopping]."

The spouted cutoffs are wearable. They cover the legs-area. The description of the spouted cutoffs is "They're an extraordinary steampunk creation: trousers sawn off just above the knee, but along the outside of each thigh, where military trousers might have a smart red stripe, there is instead a length of copper tubing. They must be the world's only short pants with their own gutter system."

The stag is an animal. The description of the stag is "He's very large and very wild, the antlers alone filling more volume than you would have thought possible.".

The stage is r-abstract. The description of the stage is "The concept of a stage in development, represented by the image of an insect still in the larval form."

The starry veil is a wearable thing. The description of the starry veil is "A veil of fine black gauze, long enough to fall at least to the knee on a woman of average height. It is studded all over with gleaming silvery stars; not mere rhinestones, but ornaments that cast their own faint unmistakeable light. Some are pure white, some pale blue, some small and red-hued. But they are safe and cool and do not burn to touch."

The stats are r-abstract. The description of the stats is "Floating[one of][or] [primary-color][or] [secondary-color][or] [primary-color] and [secondary-color][at random] [one of]columns of numbers[or]pie charts[or]bar charts[or]maps[at random] describe the [stat-type].".

Definition: a thing is synthesizable:

if it is the quip-repository:


if it is a quip:


if it is a fact:


if it is a subject:


if it is fixed in place:


if it is scenery:


if it is part of something:



To say stat-type:

say "[one of]average[or]mean[or]median[or]standard deviations in[or]modal distribution in[at random] ";

let Custom be indexed text;

now Custom is "size";

let Generic be indexed text;

let P be a random seen synthesizable thing which is not r-abstract;

if P is an animal:

if P is a man or P is a woman:

now Custom is "[one of]political affiliation[or]internet usage[or]education levels[or]incarceration rates[or]income[or]rates of listening to [music-type][at random]";

else if P is a bird:

now Custom is "[one of]migration distance[or]wingspan[at random]";


now Custom is "feed price";

now Generic is "[one of]height[or]weight[or]lifespan[or]weekly caloric intake[or]daily water consumption[or]birthrate[or]girth[at random]";


if P is noisy:

now Custom is "decibel level";

if P is long:

now Custom is "length";

if P is fluid:

now Custom is "specific gravity";

if P is edible:

now Custom is "[one of]caloric content[or]gluten content[or]glycemic index[at random]";

now Generic is "[one of]diameter[or]height[or]thickness[or]depth[or]weight[or]price[at random]";

say "[one of][Custom][or][Generic][at random]";

if P is plural-named:

say " of [P]";


say " of [a P]";

say "[one of] in [nationality] towns[or] worldwide[or] under varying weather conditions[or], with attention to possible seasonal variations[or] immediately following an important election[or] as measured on alternate Thursdays[as decreasingly likely outcomes]";

The steer automaton is a push-button device. The heft of the steer automaton is 3. The description of the steer automaton is "Real leather covers a framework of wood and steel, making an alert and surprisingly lifelike model steer.".

Instead of switching on the steer automaton:

say "The steer bucks, snorts, and shakes its head very plausibly before falling still again."

The description of a stent is usually "I was expecting a length of clear plastic tubing, but no. This is made of a metallic mesh, and so designed that when inserted into an occluded part of the esophagus, it will expand itself automatically. It's a palliative measure for inoperable cancers of the digestive tract."

The street automaton is a push-button device. The heft of the street automaton is 3. The description of the street automaton is "It's an extremely elaborate representation of Long Street about a hundred years ago, with cuckoo-clock machinery and wood-and-glass storefronts."

Instead of switching on the street automaton:

say "The clockwork makes tiny high-waisted women stroll up and down Long Street, and tiny boater-hatted men bow to them and pick up their handkerchiefs. The palm trees wave in an automated wind.".

[The stick is here as a back-up puzzle solution for propping up the trap door or hitting the pinata. Originally the warning was called a warning note instead and wasn't written on a sticky.]

The description of the stick is "It is about two feet long. It's stripped of its leaves and fairly sturdy.". The stick is long. The heft of the stick is 2.

The scent-description is "sap".

The stickball is an r-abstract thing. The description is "A pick-up sandlot game, represented here by the image of small dusty figures running around, transparent as holograms." The heft of the stickball is 0.

The description of the still is "A room-sized installation of glass tubes and boilers. Inside is some kind of illicit moonshine product." The still is a container. The heft of the still is 12. The still is transparent.

The scent-description of the still is "heady quantities of ethanol".

The stillage is a supporter. Instead of putting something on the stillage: say "The stillage is really designed to support kegs and nothing else." The description of the stillage is "It's a rack for supporting kegs in such a position that they can be easily tapped and used."

The description of a stink is "It's an intense, dizzying smell with great staying power and speed over distance." The scent-description is "over-ripe French cheese".

A stint is r-abstract. The heft of a stint is 0. The description of a stint is "The flickering images represent a period of time spent in the military: a young person in a uniform, smartly waving goodbye to hazily-sketched parents; a duration of training and mostly boring patrol work; release from service, with a few mild commendations and some pocket money."

The stoats are an animal. The description is "There are several of them, and they look like brown weasels. The tips of their tails are brown, and their eyes are beady, and they look like a whole bag-ful of trouble."

The stock is an edible contained fluid thing. The indefinite article is "some". The description of the stock is "Pale brown stock, still warm and steaming slightly." The scent-description of the stock is "hearty fish reduction".

The description of the stop is "A metal key pried off a musical instrument. It's not much use by itself.".

The description of the stopcock is "A valve made of glass components, designed to be used with laboratory equipment and tubing. It looks very clean and very official[if stopcock is open]. The valve is currently open[end if]." The stopcock can be openable. The stopcock can be open. The stopcock is openable and closed.

The stoppage is r-abstract. The description of the stoppage is "It is the very essence of non-action, though you might not guess that, as it looks exactly like an angry man waving a bag of gnocchi.

There was a spot of trouble four or five years ago when some disgruntled customs workers refused to carry on applying linguistic realignment to licensed imports. A lot of foreign food rotted on the docks before it could be converted into English-language food." The scent-description is "aging foodstuffs".

The stopwatch is a device. The description is "One of those round, silvery stopwatches with a start/stop button on the top[if switched off]. It is currently stopped[otherwise]. It currently reads [stopwatch elapsed time]. The second hand sweeps around steadily[end if]." The stopwatch has a time called the time started. Understand "start/stop" or "button" as the stopwatch.

Carry out switching on the stopwatch:

now the time started of the stopwatch is the time of day.

To say stopwatch elapsed time:

let residual be the time of day minus the time started of the stopwatch;

say residual in words.

Report switching off the stopwatch:

say "[You] turn off the stopwatch at [stopwatch elapsed time]." instead.

The strolling chap is a man. The description is "He is walking back and forth, forth and back, at a leisurely pace, as though he had all the time in the world."

A suid is an animal. "The suid stands stupidly nearby, looking dazed." The description is usually "A suid is any kind of pig; this one is a sizable domestic sow, as it turns out."

A sud is a thing. The heft of the sud is 1. The description of the sud is "A solitary soap-bubble, clinging iridescently to the nearest surface."

Instead of doing something to the sud:

if the action requires a touchable noun:

say "The sud pops on contact.";

remove the sud from play.

Instead of doing something when the sud is a second noun:

if the action requires a touchable second noun:

say "The sud pops on contact.";

remove the sud from play.

The printed name of the sun-product is "sun". The heft of a sun-product is 1000. The description of a sun-product is "A mass of incandescent gas [--] well, plasma, really [--] fleeting thoughts and then".

The description of the sunlit ray is "Not a ray of sunlight. No. This is a dead sea-creature, perpetually lit as though by the sun." The sunlit ray is edible. The scent-description is "seawater".

[The skit is a man. "A man wearing a tea-towel over his head is enacting some kind of skit about Gandhi." The skit wears a tea-towel. The skit is r-abstract. ]

The description of the swat is "The smack of a hand, or the slap of a rolled-up newspaper hitting a fly: you perceive it as a comic-book sound.". The swat is r-abstract and noisy.

Instead of listening to the swat:

say "The noise is sudden and percussive, and repeats without a clear rhythm."

The description of the swath is "The width of a strip of cut grass, which is to say, the width of a scythe-blade. The distance is measured out in delicate blueprint lines in midair.". It is r-abstract. The swath is r-abstract.

The description of the swatch is "A worthless strip of cloth in a tartan print, a few inches wide and maybe a foot and a half long." The heft of the swatch is 1. The swatch is floppy and wearable.

The description of the sword is "It's a slender, flexible 18th-century sort of affair, rather than a medieval broadsword. Possibly a valuable antique: this might have been an exercise in smuggling.". The sword is long. The heft of the sword is 2.

The sword-arm is a thing. The printed name is "sword arm". Understand "sword" or "arm" or "inexplicable" or "tattoo" or "muscles" or "bicep" as the sword-arm. The description of the sword-arm is "A man's arm, muscled and scarred and thickly-furred with hair. A tattoo on the bicep portrays what looks like a Spanish galleon at full sail."

The description of the swordstick is "It's a stick the col[our] of rosewood with a sturdy, no-nonsense handle. The sword that is supposed to snap into it is, however, inexplicably missing." The swordstick is long. The heft of the swordstick is 2.

The scent-description of the swordstick is "polished wood".