Counterfeit Monkey — 259 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 5 - The Ticket-taker

The greeting of the ticket-taker is "'[one of]Hey[or]Yo[or]Hi[at random],' he says.".

The generic negative of the ticket-taker is "[one of]kind of not really[or]nah[or]nope[or]like no[at random]".

The generic positive of the ticket-taker is "[one of]yeah[or]yup[or]kind of, yeah[or]sort of basically yes[or]I guess so[or]I think so[at random]".

The generic adversative of the ticket-taker is "[one of]weeell actually[or]well, um[or]uh, hm[at random]".

The generic confrontational of the ticket-taker is "[one of]oh geez look[or]man, come on[at random]".

Rule for beat-producing when the current interlocutor is the ticket-taker:

say "[one of][one of]He sniffs[or]He thinks[or]The ticket-taker coughs faintly[or]He scratches his head[at random][or]He rocks back and forth on his feet[or]He tilts his head thoughtfully[or]He glances toward the door as someone contemplates coming in, but then fails to do so[as decreasingly likely outcomes].[run paragraph on]".

hang-on-there is an NPC-directed quip.

The response is "'You need a ticket to go in there,' says the ticket-taker."

Instead of giving the ticket to the ticket-taker:

try showing the ticket to the ticket-taker.

Availability rule for offer the ticket:

if the ticket-taker knows allowed-in-movie:

it is off-limits;

make no decision.

offer the ticket is an unlisted demonstration quip.

The printed name is "offer the ticket".

Understand "here is the ticket" or "here is ticket" as offer the ticket.

It mentions the ticket.

The comment is "'Here, have a ticket,' we say."

The response is "[allowed-in-movie]The ticket-taker frowns slightly as he takes the ticket. He turns it over front and back; looks at us in confusion; looks at the ticket again. Then he goes to the phone and makes a call.

I'm nervous. It's evident that he's talking to his manager. He doesn't take his eyes off us for a moment. He puts his hand over the mouth of the receiver so that we can't hear the whole conversation clearly, but the gist is still obvious: '...be fake... but... a TRICKET maybe? or, like, a STICKET? ...oh, all right.'

Finally he hangs up.

'Sorry for the inconvenience,' he says. 'Your ticket looks a little different from our usual ones, but I guess the printing has been changed.'

He tears the ticket briskly into confetti, destroying all evidence of our crime, and points off to the west. 'The screening room is that way. Thank you and enjoy the show. It's not for a while, though.'"

It quip-supplies ticket-taker.

Carry out the ticket-taker discussing offer the ticket:

remove the ticket from play.

Availability rule for offer the ticket redundantly:

if the ticket-taker does not know allowed-in-movie:

it is off-limits;

make no decision.

offer the ticket redundantly is an unlisted demonstration quip.

The printed name is "offer the ticket".

Understand "here is the ticket" or "here is ticket" as offer the ticket.

It mentions the ticket.

The comment is "'Here, have a ticket,' we say."

The response is "The ticket-taker squints at the ticket. 'You've already been let in,' he says. 'So you can keep this. Kind of a weird one, though, isn't it? I didn't know we issued [']em this way. Still, it's awfully confusing now that there are all those print-your-own-ticket-at-home things, or you can buy the ticket at the box office, or win it at a raffle prize, or whatever. I keep having to call my manager to check what special offers we're running this week.'"

It quip-supplies ticket-taker.

when the movie starts is a questioning quip.

It mentions entertainment. Understand "time" or "hour" or "timing" as when the movie starts.

The comment is "'When does the movie start?' we ask.".

The response is "'Oh, um... not until this evening.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is background-information.

whether the clock helps is a demonstration quip.

It mentions clock.

The comment is "'Does this help?' we ask, showing the clock to the ticket taker.".

The response is "He glances at the clock face. 'Well, [i]that[/i] can't be right,' he says dismissively.".

It quip-supplies the mechanic.

It is background-information.

It indirectly-follows when the movie starts.

Understand "if" as whether the clock helps.

[ where he bought the watch is a questioning quip.

It mentions watch, salespeople.

The comment is "'Just out of curiosity,' we ask, 'where did you get that watch? Was it from the street seller outside?'".

The response is "Reddening, he says, 'Yeah.' It looks as though he's going to leave it at that, but then he goes on: 'I know they're probably fake, but I thought, you know, who cares? If they can turn something worthless into a diamond watch, it's still a diamond watch, right?' Shaking his wrist angrily, he adds, 'Guess I learned my lesson.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is background-information.

It indirectly-follows when the movie starts.

suggest replacing batteries is a performative quip.

It mentions watch.

The comment is "'You could replace the batteries,' we suggest gently. 'Language-generated items can be defective in a variety of ways, but it is possible that yours just got an old or out-worn battery.'".

The response is "'Really? You think?' A pleased grin spreads over his face. 'All right, then!'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It directly-follows where he bought the watch]

what the movie seems is a weakly-phrased questioning quip.

The printed name is "what the movie is". The true-name is "what the movie seems".

Understand "is" as what the movie seems.

It mentions entertainment.

The comment is "'What's playing, anyway?'".

The response is "'It's a special showing of [']Red.[']'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is background-information.

whether he likes his job is a questioning quip. The comment is "'Do you enjoy being a cinema admissions specialist?'".

It mentions employment.

The response is "He looks taken aback, but makes a surprising recovery. 'Yeah,' he says. 'Yeah, I do. I think it's a job with a real future.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is background-information.

Understand "if" as whether he likes his job.

whether crime could ever be justified is a performative quip. The comment is "'Hypothetically speaking, do you think a crime could ever be justified?'".

It mentions crime, legislation, bureau.

The response is "'Uh, no,' he says. 'Because if it's justified, it's not a crime. Like: if you kill someone in self-def[ense], that's justified, but it's not a crime, so you won't have to go to jail.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is background-information.

Understand "if" as whether crime could ever be justified.

whether the government seems just is a questioning quip.

The printed name is "whether the government is just". The true-name is "whether the government seems just".

Understand "if" or "is" as whether the government seems just. The comment is "'Do you think the government is just?'".

It mentions bureau, legislation.

The response is "'What, here? Of course. We had universal suffrage before lots of places, right?' he says, counting off on his fingers. '1877. And we never had slavery. Plus there is very little poverty and there's a high standard of living. Good health care. No complaints here.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is background-information.

whether immigration laws seem fair is a performative quip.

The printed name is "whether immigration laws are fair". The true-name is "whether immigration laws seem fair".

Understand "if" or "are" as whether immigration laws seem fair. The comment is "'Do you think our immigration laws are fair?'".

It mentions immigration, legislation, bureau.

The response is "'They seem like they're working,' he says. 'I don't really give that kind of thing a lot of thought, but, I've never met someone who seemed like they shouldn't have been let in, you know?'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is background-information.

Definition: whether he hath ever been in trouble alongside law is civic:

no.

whether he hath ever been in trouble alongside law is a performative quip.

The printed name is "whether he has ever been in trouble with the law". The true-name is "whether he hath ever been in trouble alongside law".

Understand "if" or "has" or "with" as whether he hath ever been in trouble alongside law. The comment is "'Have you ever had any run-ins with the law?'".

It mentions security, legislation, crime.

The response is "'That's kind of none of your business, isn't it?'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is background-information.

Carry out the ticket-taker discussing a civic quip:

if the ticket-taker recollects taking-a-survey:

casually queue enough-in-school;

otherwise:

casually queue taking-a-survey.

taking-a-survey is an NPC-directed quip.

The response is "'What is this about? Are you taking a survey or something?'"

Instead of saying yes when claim to be taking a survey is available:

try discussing claim to be taking a survey.

Instead of saying no when we seem curious:

try discussing we seem curious.

claim to be taking a survey is a performative quip. The comment is "'Yes.'".

It mentions yourself, research.

The response is "'...oh[you-take-survey].' He frowns. 'Aren't you supposed to be writing down my answers on a clipboard or something?'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It directly-follows taking-a-survey.

Instead of saying no when explain that we hath a recorder is available:

try discussing explain that we hath a recorder.

explain that we hath a recorder is a performative quip.

The printed name is "explain that we have a recorder". The true-name is "explain that we hath a recorder".

Understand "have" as explain that we hath a recorder. The comment is "'I'm, ah, recording all of this. Makes it easier not to have to write things down during the survey. More scientific, too.'".

It mentions yourself.

The response is "'Uh... okay.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It directly-follows claim to be taking a survey

we seem curious is an informative quip.

The printed name is "we are curious". The true-name is "we seem curious".

Understand "are" as we seem curious. The comment is "'No, not exactly. I was just curious about what you thought,' we say.".

It mentions yourself.

The response is "'...huh.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It directly-follows taking-a-survey.

enough-in-school is an NPC-directed quip.

It mentions legislation, education.

The response is "'I kind of had enough of this stuff in school,' he says. 'We talked about various laws and stuff, but I'm really just not that into it. When there's a referendum up for voting I'll look into it if it sounds interesting but in between times I don't see the point of talking about what the laws are and whatnot. I mean it's not like you can do anything about them, and they work pretty well. So let's drop it.'"

Carry out the ticket-taker discussing enough-in-school:

now the ticket-taker is bored of politics.

The ticket-taker can be bored of politics.

Instead of the ticket-taker discussing a civic quip when the ticket-taker is bored of politics:

say "[one of]'Find someone else to bother with that stuff,' he says ungraciously.[or]'If you're really into all that maybe you could find someone by the university who wants to talk about it.'[or]'Jeez, I said to give it a rest.'[at random]".

[The ticket-taker construes this question differently depending on what else he already knows about us: if he thinks we're taking a survey, he'll comment on that, but otherwise he'll assume that we're asking him as a prelude to setting up a date.]

Rule for subject-changing when the current quip is what he likes to eat and the ostensible motive is you-take-survey:

say "'That's kind of a weird question for a survey,' he observes, but shrugs. [run paragraph on]".

Rule for subject-changing when the current quip is what he likes to eat and the ostensible motive is you-are-tourist:

say "'Wow, you're really interested in our culture,' he remarks. [run paragraph on]".

what he likes to eat is a questioning quip. The comment is "'What kinds of foods do you like?' we ask.".

It mentions food.

The response is "'Just regular food. Hamburgers, pizza. Sometimes I like more Mediterranean stuff, though. stuffed grape leaves, olive bread, stuff like that.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is background-information.

where he gets Mediterranean foods is a questioning quip. The comment is "'Where do you go for [if immediately]that kind of [otherwise]Mediterranean [end if]food?'".

Understand "ticket-taker" as where he gets Mediterranean foods.

It mentions food.

The response is "'The Babel Cafe is good,' he says. 'There are always a lot of university students over there, though, so it gets kind of crowded sometimes.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It indirectly-follows what he likes to eat

Instead of the ticket-taker discussing what he likes to eat when the ostensible motive is generic-truth:

try the ticket-taker discussing mutual-embarrassment.

mutual-embarrassment is an NPC-directed quip.

it mentions the ticket-taker.

The response is "He looks really taken aback and embarrassed. 'I've, uh. I mean. I like all kinds of food, but, uh. I have a girlfriend[you-hit-on].'".

assure him that we seem not hitting on him is a performative quip.

The printed name is "assure him that we are not hitting on him". The true-name is "assure him that we seem not hitting on him".

Understand "are" as assure him that we seem not hitting on him. The comment is "You laugh. 'Sorry, no, I wasn't asking you out[forget you-hit-on],' you say. 'I'm sure she's a lucky girl, but I'd be robbing the cradle just a little.'".

It mentions yourself, ticket-taker.

The response is "'Heh. Heh. Yeah. Heh.' He's not meeting our eye and his face is going even redder than it was before, but I can't think what else you could have said there. Except, of course, for the option of leaving the poor guy alone, since this is hardly germane to our mission.".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It directly-follows mutual-embarrassment.

about what his girlfriend seems like is a questioning quip.

The printed name is "what his girlfriend is like". The true-name is "what his girlfriend seems like".

Understand "is" as what his girlfriend seems like. The comment is "'What's she like, your girlfriend?'".

It mentions romance, ticket-taker.

The response is "'Uh... she's blonde, about this tall' (he holds his hand at the height of his own shoulder) 'and she has two sisters. And she really likes collecting perfumes. She wants to be a perfume designer when we're older. Or I think there's another name for it.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It indirectly-follows mutual-embarrassment.

[And of course if we're not explaining ourselves...]

Carry out the ticket-taker discussing something when the ticket-taker recollects at least three quips and the ticket-taker does not know allowed-in-movie:

casually queue going-in-movie.

going-in-movie is an NPC-directed quip.

The response is "'So are you just [if ostensible motive is you-take-survey]collecting data[otherwise]hanging out here[end if] or do you want to go in to the movie or what?'"

Instead of saying no when delay ticket-taker is available:

try discussing delay ticket-taker.

delay ticket-taker is a weakly-phrased performative quip.

The printed name is "delay the ticket-taker".

The comment is "'Maybe I'll go in in a little bit,' we say. 'The movie's not for a while yet, right?'".

It mentions entertainment.

The response is "'Yeah, that's right.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It directly-follows going-in-movie.

An availability rule for where my backpack seems:

if the player encloses the backpack:

it is off-limits;

if the ticket-taker knows allowed-in-movie:

it is off-limits.

where my backpack seems is an unlisted questioning quip.

The printed name is "where my backpack is". The true-name is "where my backpack seems".

Understand "is" or "pack" or "lost" as where my backpack seems. The comment is "'I left my pack in the cinema,' we say. 'Can I just go in and fetch it? I'll come right back out. No need for a ticket.'".

It mentions backpack.

The response is "He scowls. 'We've been getting a lot of people trying to scam us,' he says. 'So I'm going to say no.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

An availability rule for argue about lost plus found policy:

if the player encloses the backpack:

it is off-limits;

if the ticket-taker knows allowed-in-movie:

it is off-limits.

argue about lost plus found policy is a performative quip.

The printed name is "argue about the lost and found policy". The true-name is "argue about lost plus found policy".

Understand "and" as argue about lost plus found policy. The comment is "'That's ridiculous. I'll be right back out!'".

It mentions yourself, backpack.

The response is "'We clean the theater between showings,' he says bullishly. 'So if you had left something in there, we would have found it. You must have left your stuff somewhere else.'".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It directly-follows where my backpack seems.

Availability rule for demonstrate lost backpack:

if the player does not enclose the backpack:

it is off-limits.

demonstrate the lost backpack is a performative quip. The comment is "'Note this backpack,' we say. 'The one you claimed was not inside. I have it. It was under a seat. What do you have to say for yourself now?'".

It mentions backpack.

The response is "'Uh... the person who cleaned before me must've been a little bit careless,' he says. Right.".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It indirectly-follows argue about lost plus found policy

Before discussing buy movie-ticket when the player encloses the ticket:

say "Oh, doesn't that seem a waste? We have a nice fake ticket that we didn't have to spend any money on. Maybe money's like water to you....

Well, as you like, of course. You're the expert in covert whatever-it-is."

The hidden-ticket is carried by the ticket-taker. The printed name of the hidden-ticket is "ticket". Understand "ticket" or "[movie] ticket" or "ticket to [movie]" or "ticket to a/the [movie]" as hidden-ticket. The hidden-ticket is scenery.

Understand "movie/theater/cinema/film" as "[movie]".

Does the player mean buying the ticket-taker from someone:

it is very unlikely.

Does the player mean buying the hidden-ticket from the ticket-taker:

it is very likely.

buy movie-ticket is a purchasing quip.

The printed name is "buy a movie ticket".

Understand "buy the/a ticket" or "movie" or "ticket" or "buy a/the movie ticket" as buy movie-ticket.

It mentions ticket, hidden-ticket.

The comment is "'I'd like to buy a ticket to this movie,' we say.".

The response is "[You-are-past-customer]The ticket-taker shrugs. 'If you give me the money here, I don't actually have to give you a ticket,' he says.

I think about raising some discussion about why the theater bothers with a ticketing procedure at all, and whether this will ruin their accounting about the number of available seats. But you're right that that would probably make us more memorable than we want to be.

He accepts a bill, and that's that: we now have movie access[allowed-in-movie].".

It quip-supplies the ticket-taker.

It is repeatable.

Instead of the ticket-taker discussing buy movie-ticket when the player does not enclose the bills and the ticket-taker does not know allowed-in-movie:

if the ticket-taker knows you-are-feckless:

say "He is totally unshocked when, having named the price of admission, he hears that we happen not to be carrying that much cash. Or any at all, for that matter.";

otherwise:

say "[You-are-feckless]He names the price, which reminds me that we haven't got any money at the moment. Awkward.

There's probably a less above-board way of getting a ticket if we really want one, of course. Or we could go rescue your stash of money from storage. Your choice."

Instead of the ticket-taker discussing buy movie-ticket when the ticket-taker knows allowed-in-movie:

if the ticket-taker knows you-are-feckless:

say "He looks bored, but not surprised, by this request. 'We're past that part,' he reminds us.";

otherwise:

say "'You've already bought one, and I've already collected it,' the ticket-taker reminds us[you-are-feckless]."