Counterfeit Monkey — 261 of 292

Emily Short

Release 5

Section 7 - The Desk Attendant

Rule for avoiding talking heads when the current interlocutor is the attendant:

say "[one of]She toys unattractively with her nose ring.[or]She scratches a bug bite on her elbow.[or]She purses her lips thoughtfully.[or]She scratches her nose.[at random]".

The greeting of the attendant is "[one of]'Yeah, I see you,' she says.[or]'Gosh, you again.'[or]'Rehi.'[stopping]" .

The generic negative of the attendant is "[one of]no[or]really not[at random]".

The generic positive of the attendant is "[one of]yes[or]definitely[at random]".

The generic adversative of the attendant is "um".

The generic confrontational of the attendant is "[one of]I don't know how to say this nicely but[or]How can I say this that the management would approve of? Oh yeah I CAN'T. But here goes anyway, okay[at random]".

how to unlock the lockers is a questioning quip.

It mentions locker and lock.

The comment is "'Hey, so, like,' we begin, twirling our hair in one finger. 'What if I, like, accidentally locked something in the locker upstairs and I don't know the number to get it open? It is, like, [i]so[/i] important that I get my stuff back.'".

The response is "Her expression of dreamy good will hardens into one of cool contempt. 'Lockers are the responsibility of the guests,' she says. 'You brought the lock, so you must know the combination.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

Availability rule for how to unlock the lockers:

if the clock is seen, it is off-limits;

if the lock is not seen, it is off-limits;

make no decision.

lock problem seems solved is an informative quip.

The printed name is "lock problem is solved". The true-name is "lock problem seems solved".

Understand "is" as lock problem seems solved.

It mentions lock.

The comment is "'I, like, remembered the combination of my lock,' we say.".

The response is "'I'm overjoyed.' Deadpan."

It indirectly-follows how to unlock the lockers.

It quip-supplies the attendant.

Availability rule for lock problem seems solved:

if the clock is seen, make no decision;

it is off-limits.

whether public transport exists here is a questioning quip.

It mentions transportation.

The comment is "'Can you tell me anything about public transportation in this town?' we ask hopefully. I can tell you: there isn't any. But it will be interesting to see what she says, I suppose.".

The response is "She smiles briefly. 'I'm sorry,' she says. 'There aren't any buses or subways here. The island is too small for that.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It is background-information.

Understand "if" as whether public transport exists here.

Availability rule for whether we can keep the guidebook:

if the guidebook is not visible, it is off-limits;

make no decision.

whether we can keep the guidebook is a questioning quip.

It mentions guidebook.

The comment is "'Hey, does this guidebook belong to the hostel, or can I keep it?'".

The response is "'Sure, whatever,' she says. 'People take and leave stuff all the time. It's no big deal.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

Understand "if" as whether we can keep the guidebook.

whether there seems an internet connection nearby is a questioning quip.

The printed name is "whether there is an internet connection nearby". The true-name is "whether there seems an internet connection nearby".

Understand "is" or "if" as whether there seems an internet connection nearby.

It mentions internet.

The comment is "'Hey, so, do you have internet here?'".

The response is "'Sorry,' she says. 'Our connection is suspended by the Bureau. Someone tried to use the hostel account for unauthor[ize]d contact with a universal translator.'

Did they indeed? I wonder who that could have been, hm?".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It is background-information.

whether there seem beds available is a questioning quip.

The printed name is "whether there are beds available". The true-name is "whether there seem beds available".

Understand "are" or "bed" or "space" or "room" or "if" as whether there seem beds available. The comment is "'Are there free beds for the evening?'".

The response is "'Sure,' she says. 'You can go up and claim whichever free one you like. The hostel won't really fill up until this evening.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It is background-information.

who would do this is a questioning quip.

It mentions internet.

The comment is "'Really?' we ask brightly. I'm enjoying being a dumb girl more than I expected. 'Who would do something like that?'".

The response is "She looks cross. 'We don't know,' she says. 'There was a young woman who used the computer at about the right time period, but she didn't seem like the criminal type, to me. I'm pretty sure it must have been this other group, three guys that were staying here, but I can't figure out how.' [paragraph break]Hear that? You don't seem like the criminal type.".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It directly-follows whether there seems an internet connection nearby.

what other group was like is an unlisted questioning quip. The comment is "'Was there anything interesting about the other group? The three guys?' I'm starting to see how much you enjoy playing off your own cleverness. I just hope it doesn't get us caught.".

It mentions internet.

The response is "She shrugs. That sounds like a no, then.".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It indirectly-follows who would do this.

what the young woman looked like is a questioning quip.

It mentions yourself.

The comment is "'So, like, what was she like?' I venture a little giggle. I don't think it's quite a success.".

The response is "'What, the young woman?' [The attendant] shrugs. 'Kind of uptight.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It directly-follows who would do this.

what happens if the guest does not remember is a questioning quip.

It mentions locker.

The comment is "'[if immediately]Yeah, okay, but[otherwise]About the lockers again[end if],' we say. 'What happens when, like, someone forgets the combination? Does that ever happen? [']Cause it seems like you might need to get the locker open for the next guest, right? So, like, what do you do?'".

The response is "'Yes, it happens,' she says. Her spiky magenta hair is quivering. It was wrong to take the hippy-ish blouse as a sign of an easy-going temper. 'It happens [i]all the time[/i]. We have to get the All-Purpose in to fix them. It's expensive. I keep telling management we should have a different kind of lock-up system, but they won't hear it.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It indirectly-follows how to unlock the lockers.

what the All-Purpose seems is a questioning quip.

The printed name is "what the All-Purpose is". The true-name is "what the All-Purpose seems".

Understand "is" as what the All-Purpose seems.

It mentions locker.

The comment is "[if the previous quip is what happens if the guest does not remember]'All-Purpose? What's that?'[otherwise]'So what is the All-Purpose, anyway?'[end if] we ask. But surely you do know? The All-Purpose is a kind of blue-suited handy-man, a mechanic with a huge toolbox of letter tools. He can do just about anything. I would have thought[--] but she's answering.".

The response is "'You know, from the Bureau.' She reaches under the desk and pulls out a box, which she displays briefly to our gaze. Inside is an assortment of col[our]ed children's blocks. 'He does this with them,' she says matter-of-factly, as though B-insertion weren't a pretty serious challenge. Then she puts the box away again.".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It indirectly-follows what happens if the guest does not remember.

how the All-Purpose makes blocks is a questioning quip.

It mentions locker.

The comment is "'He puts on Bs? On the locks? How does that, like, work?' we ask, twirling our hair some more. (This is ridiculous! Have you no shame? Doesn't it embarrass you, playing up to stereotypes like this? No, I see your point. You're more of a pragmatist. I should have guessed.)".

The response is "'He has a machine he brings in, on wheels,' she says. 'It's the size of a dessert cart. At one end, there's a hose with a nozzle. The B comes out of there.' In spite of her mood, she obviously finds this an interesting topic. 'I asked him what happened if the B flew out and hit something it wasn't supposed to, and he showed me this restoration gel he had, to put things back to what they were originally.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It directly-follows what the All-Purpose seems.

whether the gel resembles ours is a demonstration quip.

It mentions the restoration gel and the tub.

The comment is "'Does the All-Purpose's gel look something like this?'"

The response is "She glances at the tub of restoration gel. 'Yeah,' she says. 'A lot like that. Hey, how did you get that, anyway?'

We just smile and shrug pleasantly."

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It indirectly-follows how the All-Purpose makes blocks.

Understand "if" as whether the gel resembles ours.

why they do not use a locksmith is a questioning quip.

It mentions locker.

The comment is "'It seems as though a locksmith would be cheaper and less trouble than getting an All-Purpose Officer,' we point out.".

The response is "'You might think.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It indirectly-follows what the All-Purpose seems.

what we should do about the lock is a questioning quip.

It mentions locker.

The comment is "'So, uh, like. What do you think I should do about this locker I can't unlock?'".

The response is "'Remember the combination,' she says tartly. Right, then.".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It indirectly-follows what happens if the guest does not remember.

Availability rule for what we should do about the lock:

if the attendant recollects lock problem seems solved, it is off-limits;

make no decision.

what the fair seems for is a questioning quip.

The printed name is "what the fair is for". The true-name is "what the fair seems for".

Understand "is" as what the fair seems for.

It mentions celebration.

The comment is "'So what's up with, like, the big party outside?' we ask. 'It looks like something is going on out there.'".

The response is "'Serial Comma Day,' she says, in a bored voice. 'It's totally a made-up holiday, like Sweetest Day or World Secretary Day or whatever. But they sell greeting cards.'[queue could-be-semicolon as postponed optional]".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It is background-information.

correct this misapprehension is a performative quip.

It mentions celebration.

The comment is "'Actually,' we say, 'Serial Comma Day commemorates a very real and significant shift in the punctuation standard here.'".

The response is "She gives us a very strange look. [set distrustful]'I thought you weren't from around here.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It directly-follows what the fair seems for

could-be-semicolon is an NPC-directed quip.

The response is "'I'd have gone with semicolon day,' she muses. 'It's way better than a comma. You get an extra dot on top. It's like two punctuation marks for the price of one. But it's not all prissy and fussy like a colon.'

She's missing the point entirely, of course: Serial Comma Day celebrates the adoption of a whole series of standards changes intended to reduce ambiguity in written language and increase the precision of linguistic change methods. It marked a significant shift in policy[--]

Oh, all right, I'll stop. But you should hear Professor Waterstone on this topic."

what she recommends seeing in city is a questioning quip. The comment is "'So, is there stuff I really should see around here? The best of the city, or something?'".

It mentions entertainment.

The response is "'I'm not, like, a concierge,' she says. 'If you came to town you must have had a reason, right? Plus you can maybe pick up a map somewhere around here[if the guidebook is not enclosed by the player], or we usually have a guidebook or two lying around that someone left[end if].'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It is background-information.

whether the attendant enjoys her job is a questioning quip. The comment is "'Do you like this job?'".

Understand "she" as whether the attendant enjoys her job.

It mentions employment, attendant.

The response is "She looks taken aback. 'It's a living,' she says. 'I mean, sort of. And the management doesn't really listen to what I tell them. And sometimes people are really loud. Or jerky. But my parents really really realllly wanted me to stay in school so I kind of stopped wanting to, if that makes sense. I don't know, maybe I'll go back later.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It is background-information.

Understand "if" as whether the attendant enjoys her job.

Rule for quip-introducing sympathize on the topic of parents:

say "You apparently have a strong urge to sympath[ize] on the topic of parents. I don't."

sympathize on the topic of parents is a performative quip.

Understand "sympathise" as sympathize on the topic of parents.

The comment is "'Parents can be that way,' you say, with sudden vehemence. 'They work on you like you're a project, like they're raising a show dog or something. It took me a long time to figure out that while I was with my parents I wasn't ever going to even know what [i]I[/i] wanted, who I wanted to be. So you got away from that, good for you.'

And good for her skipping her education when it would have been paid for, and going into an unfulfilling job that doesn't earn enough to live on, right? Seems a little askew to me, but hey.".

It mentions family.

The response is "'I don't think my parents were [i]that[/i] bad,' she says, with a taken-aback little laugh.".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It directly-follows a whether the attendant enjoys her job.

compliment the nose ring is a performative quip. The comment is "'I like your nose ring,' we say. It looks kind of piratical.".

It mentions nose-ring.

The response is "'Thanks.' She gives it a little pat. 'I'm thinking of getting a sternum piercing next.'".

It quip-supplies the attendant.

It is background-information.